Perspective

I just wrote a negative post. I mean NEGATIVE, but I erased it. The babies are going through a growth spurt and have become unpredictable all over again. They are waking up multiple times in the night and I feel like I've got 2 week old babies. It's hard. However, (and this is super cheesy) I'm so grateful for the online community of twin moms I've gotten to know. I read a post from one of them today and it put everything in perspective. There will actually be a day when they can feed themselves, put their binky back in on their own if it falls out, entertain each other, live without being bounced for hours on end, sleep more than 5 hours at a time, and not go through 20 diapers in a day. Sometimes it's hard for me to look ahead to those days to come. It's easy to get wrapped up in two screaming, poopy babies. It's easy to focus on the fact that I haven't slept for more that 5 hours since July (the last month of my pregnancy was awful and I hardly slept). It's easy to have pitty parties because I usually don't shower before Josh gets home from work and don't eat before noon.

However, I should be grateful for all of these things. I have two beautiful, healthy GROWING (seriously, I can't believe how big they're getting) babies. There are people out there who would kill to be in my situation. They want the sleepless nights, the spit up hair, the poopy clothes, the bottle washing, the bouncing, they want it all. As hard as it is, I just have to look at these 4 beautiful eyes and know that it'll get better and it's all worth it.

Before you think I'm a rockstar mom or anything, know that I'm not. I've actually been compiling a post over the last few weeks over weaknesses and frustrations I've had. I don't know if I'll ever actually post it, but it's been good for me to get it out. I can't do it all and because of that, I've dropped the ball on a lot of things. I'm slowly learning to be ok with that though. Who cares if the laundry has sat in the dryer for days? Or that we're using paper plates because all of our dishes are dirty? I do feel guilty that I don't give each baby the attention that she deserves. I physically can't. If they aren't crying, they're in their bouncy seat or bumbo, just so my arms can catch a break. I hardly ever hold a happy baby. Lillian's fingernails desperately needed to be cut and I kept forgetting about it for... two weeks! One time, Sophie had a blow out (dang Huggies....) and I forgot to change her onesie for several hours. And remember when she pooed all over the wall and I left it there? Yeah, I'm far from an amazing mother, but I'm learning. And even though I feel like the babies and I are back at square one, I just have to remember that this too shall pass and look into these 4 little eyes and everything is perfect once again.