Let's talk about twins.

Can we talk about twins for a minute (or ten)? Truthfully, I try to avoid twin talk too much on this blog because I think it can be a polarizing topic. There's almost an unspoken tension between moms of singletons and moms of twins (the tension comes from both parties, I might add) and there's a constant debate of which is harder. Twins? A 16 month old a a newborn? A 3 year old and a 2 year old? Which mom is more tired? Which ones has fuller hands? Which one should be able to complain more? 

It's kind of ridiculous and I really try to avoid it. But today, I'm going to talk about my perspective. My current perspective is two 2 year old twins. 

And guess what? They kick my butt.

Sometimes it's hard to split up a fight between siblings that are on the exact same cognitive level. 

Sometimes it's hard from having two kids in cribs to have 0 kids in cribs over night. 

Sometimes it's hard to get so much attention at the grocery store because everyone just has to tell you about their second cousin's husband who is a twin. And how they always wanted twins or how they know a set of girl/boy identical twins. Alrighty then...

Sometimes it's hard because I've been out numbered from day one. 

Sometimes it's hard because I've never been able to just throw my kid in the car and go. I mentally prepare for every outing and I do nothing spontaneous if I'm by myself with them. 

Sometimes it's hard because I have two children who everyone sees as a unit. They are "the twins" or "the girls" or "Sophie and Lillian" I worry so much about people loving them for the individuals they are. I catch myself calling them "the girls" ALL the time and know I should probably stop it. What if we have another girl? Would she be considered "the girls" too? I don't want one of them to always be in their sister's shadow. 

Sometimes it's hard because I create that shadow. Sophie talks a lot more than Lillian and I encourage Sophie so much more than I do Lillian. I'm a major part of the problem and that's a hard thing to realize. 

Sometimes it's hard because sometimes there is a favorite (although that favorite changes) but I'm too afraid to admit it because what kind of mother has favorites?

Sometimes it's hard because I'm prideful. Too freakin' prideful. I could probably count the times I've asked for help on my finger (well, maybe I'd have to add a few toes in there too...) but I'm grateful to have a friend (who's also my next door neighbor) who I know I can call any second of the day and she'll drop whatever she's doing to help me. But it's hard to show that vulnerability. It's hard to let someone discipline your kids while you're literally on the hallway floor in tears.

And sometimes I hate all the praise I get. You guys, I'm really not that stellar. Do you know how many times I've left my girls in their room screaming because I'm simply not ready to face them? Do you know how many times I've dumped them on Josh the moment he walks in the door after a 13 hour work day? Do you know how many times I've wondered "why me" in a self pity way?

It's ridiculous.And I need to get this two year old thing figured out. I swear the moment they turned two, they changed. They became so defiant, so independent and all of the sudden annoyed by their sister. 

And then I look at what the next year is probably going to look like. We'll be potty training, letting them socialize more, trying to teach them to actually use big kid cups, they're going to start speaking in sentences, we might even put them in preschool. All of this makes me look within myself and figure out if I'm ready. I know that I have plenty of people who will tell me that I am, but I'm not so sure. And I'm not so sure any of these things unique to twins will change. I mean, do we keep them in the same class? Split them up? Let them pick out what they want to wear, even if that means matching every day? How do we encourage independence? What if they get on two different sides in a quarrel with friends? What if their teachers always compare them? What if they don't get the individual attention they need? What if *I* don't give them the individual attention they need? Does Sophie really know that I love Sophie and Lillian know that I love Lillian?

Now, I should say that most of the times, things are not hard and most of the time I don't harp on these unknowns of the future, but sometimes life is hard and sometimes I do worry, but I never really talk about it. I'm grateful that I have twin in the age of the internet. I've got a great online group of twin moms that I can go to for questions. I have many amazing twin moms that I know in real life who have given me a lot of support. I'm grateful that twins are common enough that I pass them every now at then at the grocery store and I exchange that look with the mom. The look that only moms of multiples can understand. The look of, "I know how hard and scary your pregnancy was and I know the financial burden of bringing home two babies at once and the physical and mental pain tandem breastfeeding is and I know how crazy it is to change 20 diapers a day and I know how having two newly vaccinated two months olds sucks and I know how a 30 minutes shopping trip turns into a 2 hour shopping trip because you have 4 diapers to change and 37 people to talk to and I know the dilemma of everyone asking you why one of your twins isn't walking/talking/sleeping/pooping/laughing/scratching her ear right at this moment and I know you love strangers asking you if your twins are 'natural' or if they 'run in your families' and I know the strange feelings you get when people praise you when all you feel like is a failure and I know that this is an incredibly runon sentence, but you're a twin mom too and we're reading each other's minds and I know you're thinking the EXACT same thing."

But then, in that same looks there's the "I know you know the joy of seeing your 3 month olds discover their siblings the first time and I know you love snuggling two newborns at once and getting double the first little giggles and I know you sometimes love the attention because people are right, your babies are adorable and you are the luckiest mom in the world and I know how it feels when you finally get two babies sleeping through the night and from that moment on, you feel like you can solve all the problems in the middle east and I know you love watching your twins learn from and push each other and I know you love seeing your twins holding hands, giving each other kisses and constantly being at each other's side and I know you probably feel a little jealous of them because how awesome would it be to BE a twin?! And I again, we both know that this is a lot of information to telepathically share in a 5 seconds glance, but we know how true everything we just thought is. We really are lucky." side of the look.

And it's true. We probably aren't supermoms like everyone claims we are, but we are pretty lucky. When times get hard (like they are right now at our house) I need to remember that. I need to remember that Sophie and Lillian won't be two forever. Hopefully they'll grow out of the biting, the hitting, the coloring on the walls, and being terrified of toilets. Yes, there will come a day when they can actually verbalize what they are feeling, will poop in toilets and will grow up to be individual, independent women. It's hard to think that way when you're in the middle of a sleepless night with a scared toddler or two, but I know those days will come

But for now, we just have to remember to have a little sense of humor because having two two-year olds at once is crazy and kind of hilarious. 

"It's ya sista!"

If I had to pick a favorite parenting moment, this morning would probably be it (the other favorite was when my girls taught me about forgiveness a month or so ago. I never blogged about it, but it was amazing). Sophie continued to lay on the floor after I changed her and Lillian, after realizing that her sister was not getting up to play, decided to lay next to her. As they giggled, I ran to get my camera. I didn't have time to open any windows or make sure the settings on my camera were perfect, so I have a collection of imperfect photos. However, the moment was perfect and that's all that matters. I started saying, "It's ya sista!" is a high pitched (well actually since I'm sick and currently sound like a man, it probably wasn't very high pitched at all) and they would giggle as Lillian pointed to Sophie. It really was perfect and I felt as though the last 19 months had finally paid off.

 

 

I love this last one. Sophie sucking on her binky and Lillian sucking on her blanket. 

A perfect moment with perfect sisters.

I'm a little jealous

This post was written almost two weeks ago. I'm not sure why it's just being published, but it is what it is. :) 

 

The other day while giving the girls a bath, I told Josh, "you know, our girls are really lucky to have a twin." He agreed. I always wanted to be a twin. One of my favorite shows growing up was 'Sister, Sister' and I sometimes pretended that my long lost twin came to live with us. I mean, how cool would that be?

I was at the store last night by myself (that hardly ever happens, so I reeeally relish when it does) and I spotted two girls that looked 7 or so, dressed exactly alike. I sometimes get tired of answering the, "are they twins?" question (and all of the questions that I know will follow), but when I see potential twins, I can't help but ask. Especially if they're girl twins. Instead of asking the mom, I thought I'd ask the girls (and yes, after I asked I realized that that was kind of creeperish of me...). One of the girls got a huge smile on her face and said, "YES! We're twins!". I immediately told them that I had twin girls that were a year old. Their mom looked at me and said, "It only gets better from here!" She talked about how her girls are best friends. They do everything together. They choose to dress identically. They have naturally made the same friends. They don't want separate bedrooms. They sometimes sleep in the same bed together. She even joked that she was pretty sure they'd never date and never get married and be roommates for the rest of their lives. I laughed a little and told her that I think I'd be ok with that.

It makes me excited to see older twins. I remember seeing an elderly set of twins in Logan when I was still pregnant that were dressed in coordinating outfits. They were at least 70 and still shopping together and dressing alike. It made me SO happy! I have a friend who had a church leader who's wife (following this so far...) who called up her twin sister and planned their outfits if they knew they were going to be out in public together. The twin bond can be cheesy, but I think it's amazing. These twin bloggers are proof of the amazing bond.

And currently, as I'm writing this, the girls are giggling hysterically with each other and as much as I want to roll around with them on the floor, I know I'd ruin it. I know they'd stop because sometimes I'm the 'uncool' mom. So, instead I thought I'd write about how amazing twins are. It's something I'll never understand, but I feel privileged to watch it as a mother. Sometimes I still get a little bit sad that I'll never get to experience one child at a time, but that's usually quickly overcome by the happiness that these twins give me. They are a team. They complete our family (for now that is). They've helped Josh and I figure ourselves and our relationship out. I've met so many amazing people through them. And I've been able to offer some 'been there done that' to many new moms. So while there's a tiny part of me that's afraid my girls will wind up like the twins my coworker was so quick to tell me about (twin girls who hated each other. One was pretty, skinny, made cheer leading had boyfriends, etc, while her twin was fat, had bad acne and had only a few friends...) I'm pretty sure my girls will be like the twins I saw at the store. Best friends who spend all night talking in their room and end up falling asleep in the same bed.

Here's one of the most decent Valentine's Day pictures I got yesterday. I literally followed them around for 40 minutes trying to get a nice picture of both of them. Who am I kidding? The definitely have minds of their own. Oh and don't mind Lillian's face. A friend and I did some last minute V-day shopping and I sort of went crazy on the sugary purchases. Obviously, Lillian enjoyed them...

They really are lucky to have an instant best friend from the moment they were born.

And for that, I think I'll always be a little bit jealous of them.

Grey and Micah come to play

And we didn't take a single picture. 

How pathetic is that!? You know Grey and Micah, right? Becky's boys? I guess all you can do is imagine the cuteness of having 4 babies crawling and running around playing with each other. Micah (or was is Grey???) wanted Lillian (or was is Sophie? Seriously, sometimes twins are hard...) to stand up and play with him. It was adorable. When I gave the girls lunch, Micah was more than happy to munch on the food they (purposely) threw on the floor for him. 

Again, adorable. But you don't know because we didn't take a single picture. 

I guess that's when you know that you've had a good time. You're too busy chatting, sharing stories, and playing with babies to take pictures.

I'm getting together with them again soon and I promise to take pictures because everyone deserves to see those four play together. It was wonderful. 

And just because I don't want a short, yet wordy post, here's an unrelated picture of Lillian, just for good measure.

We had spaghetti last night and Lillian obviously enjoyed it. Sophie was screaming by this point, so no picture of her. Lillian, however, was happy as can be.

Have a happy Wednesday!

Welcome to the club, Celia.

I wanted to write a post about the birth of my friend and former roommate's twins, but my other friend and fellow twin mom, Becky, did a marvelous job. I've said this a bazillion times before, but Celia was the one who introduced me (I guess that's the term you would use for me cyber stalking?) Becky. Becky has twins, I have twins and now Celia has twins. And Celia had them naturally! Like no drugs, no c-section, just mother nature doing what it's supposed to do. Amazing. Go read about it here on Becky's blog or check out Celia's blog. I was in tears reading both post. I love those women and I love their sons.

This is not a Wordless Wednesday

This post is long, wordy and probably not very interesting. 

You have been warned.

1. Sophie is capable of calling 911. I'm still not sure how she did it, but I got a voicemail saying, "This is the 911 operator. We just got a call from this number, but it sounded like a child playing with the phone. If this is an emergency, please give us a call back." I didn't call back because we weren't having an emergency and you always hear how you're not supposed to call 911 unless it is an emergency because it clogs the system and people who really need the police can't get through. So, I laughed a little bit, but didn't think much of it. Well, a half hour later, we got a knock at the door. It was a cop. Apparently, the have to follow up on every call they get, so he came over to make sure everything was OK. I was pretty embarrassed and explained that it was my 13 month old (although in a few days, they'll be 14 months! Crazy!) daughter and that everything was fine. I'm not quite sure he believed me because he asked me two more times if everything was OK and then scanned what he could see from my front door. My neighbor watched the whole thing from her window and made sure to come over and give me a hard time about it. :) I guess its good to know that if there was an emergency, 911 actually works. I was thinking about it though and say there's a murderer in my house and I'm able to dial 911, but for one reason or another we get disconnected. Sure they'll come, but not for several minutes. Do you know how many times a person could get murdered in a half hour? That's not so reassuring...

2. We went to Best Buy yesterday and saw a pair of twins about the same age as the girls. They were dressed in adorable gray/pink sweatsuits and they were adorable. I have this dilemma with dressing my girls. I think matching is cute, but I want my girls to be individuals, not a unit. Strangely enough, when they're dressed completely different, they sometimes don't get noticed as twins. When they're matching or even coordinating, they are easily spotted out of the crowd. I guess that's why you always see matching families at Disney Land. But we're not at Disney Land.  This is real life. Matching (in my humble opinion) all the time can be really cheesy. Sure there are lots of matching and coordinating outfits I have, but I also like them to be dressed differently. When they are dressed differently, I can't stand it when one is "cuter" than the other. If I have a certain dress that I want one of them to wear, I feel like I have to find an equally cute dress, so people don't think I care about one more than the other. How ridiculous is that? Seriously, I spend more time thinking about what my daughters are going to wear than I think about it for myself. Yep, I've turned into that kind of mother...

3. I know I say this every semester, but school is kicking my butt. I simply have zero motivation to do anything. I'm such a better student when I actually have to get out of pj's, walk up to campus, sit in a class, take legitimate notes, and study for a test. Online classes are horrible, especially without roommates or friends who are taking classes that can motivate me. My already pathetic motivation level is rapidly diminishing. So...who wants to finish getting my degree for me? :)

5. I'm not sure what's up with Lillian lately, but she's not sleeping. A few nights ago, she woke up around midnight and would not go back to bed. She was terrified. Her screams were not hunger screams, not sad screams, not pain screams. They were terrified screams. Her heart was beating so fast and she was hysterical. We brought her into bed with us and tried to calm her down, which just woke her up more. She did calm down, but she was ready to play. I knew that the only thing that would work was a car ride. So, I strapped her in and started driving. I decided that I would drive until she stopped crying and not turn around until then because I wanted her to be in a deep sleep when we got home. I started driving and ended up...at our old apartment. She cried for over 20 minutes in the car, on top of the 30-40 minutes that she cried at home. It was CRAZY. I didn't get home until 1:30 in the morning. Like I said, I think she's having nightmares. Babies this age can get those, right? She wasn't hungry, didn't want milk, she's not popping any teeth that I can feel, but she clung to her stuffed animal tighter than I've ever seen her do. She was scared. So, we drove around for a little over 40 minutes as I sang to her. She was out like a light once we got home and ended up sleeping in until 9:30 the next morning. Seriously though, this kid sleeps an alarming amount less than her sister and its getting a bit frustrating for the mama.

6. While at Best Buy, I got a new camera. We sold our phones and got enough store credit to pay a significant amount of money toward a Canon Powershot. I've been using my Canon  Rebel pretty exclusively for the over two years and I'm still not used to using such a small, compact camera. I was nervous because I love the freedom that the Rebel gives me (although I don't know how to do everything on it like I should) and I was afraid that the point and shoot camera would be taking a huge step back. I really wanted one though because we got rid of our smart phones (they were falling apart, plus I wanted to simplify life a little bit. Too many distractions...) so I wanted something that I could throw in my purse and be on my way. Well, I love it. I had done a little bit of research on compact cameras before I went in and I knew that Canon made really good point and shoots. I must say that I agree.

 

I'm impressed if you made it through all of that. This post was definitely more of a journal style post, filled with things that are on my mind that I want to make sure I remember. So...yeah...

How do you do it?

I get this question asked a lot. A lot. Especially when the girls are being particularly...challenging. Sunday was a prime example. They definitely woke up on the wrong side of the bed that morning. So much so that three different people commented to me how "feisty" my girls were or that my hands were full as I was walking with them in the hall at church. I wasn't offended or anything because they're speaking the truth. They are feisty and I do have my hands full.

Some days, like the past two (or seven) are hard. Some days, all the girls want to do is play outside. Some days I don't get a single thing done around the house. Some days the girls don't want anything to do with me. Some days they won't leave me alone. Some days I think, "Man, this twin thing is pretty easy" and some days I literally cry myself to sleep because I'm so overwhelmed.

My visiting teacher came by yesterday and made note of how my girls were acting at church. When she started out with, "I saw you with your girls yesterday..." I was scared I was going to get a mini lecture. She's a white haired, season mother of ten. She knows her stuff. And I feel like sometimes when people "know" their stuff, they forget what it was really like. They forget all the diaper blow outs (although, if you have white hair, you cloth diapered and I promise cloth diapers don't have blow outs like disposables...) they forget that their children screamed, dumped their milk on the floor, threw your clean laundry all over your house, etc. So, when she said she noticed my girls at church, I was scared. I didn't need to be however, because she recalled when she was a young mother. She said that when her ten children were little, her husband was always either in the Bishopric or Stake Presidency, thus leaving her alone with ten children. She said they would jump off the benches, pull old ladies' hair, pull the trousers off of their brothers, etc, etc. It got to the point where she started talking half of her children to church and left the other half at home with a friend. After the first hour, she'd switch the kids and attend a different congregation with the other half of her kids. She said it was still hectic, but she survived.

I don't know why, but hearing this made me feel like a million bucks. I guess I always assume that I'm in people's way. That my kids are the kids that everyone is annoyed of. That I don't do a good enough job at keeping them quiet or that they are running around too much. Sometimes I feel like church is a waste because some days I literally get nothing out of it.

But then every once and a while, someone will offer to let the one of the girls sit on their lap. Or someone will tell me for the umpteenth time how beautiful their eyes are or how they are the most gorgeous babies they've ever seen. Or someone won't care if they're walking all over their scriptures (although stepping on an iPad is understandable pushing it...) or slobbering all over their pen or playing with their jewelry. Its those moments when I get it. I get that my family isn't the annoying one. I get that my girls do bring other people joy. I start to understand how lucky I am to not only have these girls, but to live where I do surrounded by such great people.

And then I picture myself in 50 years visiting teaching. I'll  recall this stage in my life when I had 13 month old twins who would not sit still or be quiet and how my husband or I would sometimes have to take them home or at the very least spend the hours pacing the halls with them. I'll let the new mom know that it's ok to have babies who refuse to stay in one place for more than 4 seconds. It's ok to have kids that scream when their sister shoves them down. It's ok to wander the halls because at least you're making an effort.

And it's ok to think after all of this, that your babies are the cutest things on the planet because let's face it,

 mine truly are
;)

 

Also, its been almost a week since I've uploaded any pictures from my camera. I was just looking through it and there are some goodies coming your way soon.

Well that was a mistake.

I haven't talked about sleep on this thing for a while. Why? Because I've actually been getting some and there wasn't a need to talk about it. When we lived in our last apartment, the girls shared a room. Sometimes, one would wake up, cry a little bit, and it would wake up the other baby. Their cries would build and build and build and BAM! Both babies wide awake. This happened several times. We tried everything to get them to sleep. We stuck them in closets, rocked them, let them scream, fed them, read to them, drove them around... all after midnight. Really, I can't tell you how many times we drove on the freeway after midnight (many times in the snow) just to lull the girls back to sleep. When we got home, we'd carefully take their car seats out, hike up the ridiculously long flight of stairs and stash one baby in the bathroom (no joke) and another in the bedroom, while still buckled in their car seats. That happened probably a dozen times over the course of 5 months. It was horrible.

Then we moved. Our house has 3 bedrooms which is perfect. Each girl gets their own room. If they cry, they won't be 4 feet away from each other. I was convinced that they would finally start sleeping through the night.

Guess what?

They did.

But, I still had a problem. I really like them being in the same room. Sometimes, they do still get up in the middle of the night. When its 3 am and a baby is crying, sometimes I'm not coherent enough to tell which room the cries are coming from. I've gotten it wrong before and woken the sleeping baby up. Fail. Then, there's the whole "stuff" issue. Twin girls come with a lot of stuff. Toys, clothes, bedding, pictures for the walls, curtains, diapers, wipes, a dresser...stuff. We've lived in this house for almost 3 1/2 months (its crazy how time flies...) and I still haven't set up their nursery. In fact, there's still a box of crap I haven't emptied because I don't know what to do with it. Which room should get the curtains? The clothes? The dresser? The diapers? I'm stumped. I guess we could get another set of curtains, another dresser and split up the clothes, but I don't like that idea. These girls share everything. How am I supposed to decide what "belongs" to who and who to stick where? It probably seems stupid, but its actually something I've been thinking about since we moved here and I'm stuck. Hence, the unpacked box and the curtains and picture sitting in the closet.

Anyway, we recently got a pack 'n play for an upcoming trip to Josh's family cabin. I thought I better let the girls get used to the idea of A) sleeping in a pack 'n play (don't worry, they'll each have their own. Those things are tiny!) and B) sleeping in the same room. So, I gave it a try last night. Around 7:15 I got the girls ready, and by 7:45, Lillian was nestled in the pack 'n play and Sophie was in the crib. I went to bed around 10:30 (Josh went to bed pretty much when the girls did) and right after I fell asleep (10:48 to be exact) I heard crying. I didn't think much of it because a lot of times the girls will whine for a minute or two and then go back to sleep. Only this time, it didn't happen. The cry got louder and then more cries started. The cries escalated to two screaming babies. By the time I got in the room, both babies were standing and freaking out. Sophie was wide awake and Lillian was furious.

I went into panic mode because I knew what was happening. The girls were awake and I knew it was going to be hard to get them back to sleep. Now, if you've ever spent the night with these babies (which you haven't unless your name is Josh Mangelson...) you might not know this, but these babies do NOT like to be rocked. They never have. Ok, maybe when they were 3 days old they didn't mind it, but really, as soon as we got them home, rocking didn't absolutely nothing. It woke them up more. And I was never able to nurse them back to sleep either. Well, I guess it did work if they were hungry, but these girls won't eat or drink anything if they're not hungry. So, most of the time that's not really an option. Music doesn't really work, singing doesn't work, and cuddling doesn't work (in fact, that makes them a LOT more mad). The only thing we've found that works is car rides.

However, car rides in convertible car seats don't do jack. Wanna know why? Our babies are the lightest sleepers (they get that from me) and once you unclip the chest belt, they're wide awake. I guess sometimes Lillian will stay asleep and curl up on Josh's shoulder (she hasn't really done it with me yet...) but Sophie's eyes pop wide open and she's ready for play. So car rides are now out of the question because we can't just snap them in and out of the car like you can with an infant seat.

I was thinking of all this in the first few seconds of both of them screaming. I knew I had to separate them, so I picked up Lillian, put her in the other room and shut the door. Still screaming. I went and tried to console Sophie and her mood instantly changed to and oh-you're-coming-to-get-me mood and she started clapping. So I gave her a sippy cup with water, and started tickling her belly. She eventually calmed down (all the while, Lillian is freaking out in the next room) and I got her distracted with a toy. I went into Lillian's room and did the same thing. Luckily, she fell asleep. Sophie however was chattering away in the dark to her stuff animal. I went back in my room and fell asleep to Sophie's gabbing away.

I'm glad they eventually fell asleep, but the whole process took over an hour. (isn't it crazy how quickly time flies when you're up at night with a baby??) It was a lesson learned. The girls are not ready to share a room again. When I was pregnant, I heard from people ALL the time that twins learn to sleep through each others cries. That they like sleeping together. They lull each other back to sleep. Well, I'm calling garbage on that one! Sure, my girls shared a crib until they were 6 months old, but they were also waking up two times a night. I think we we would have had an option of splitting them up, they would have slept through the night a lot sooner. We had moments of success with Chamomile Oil, stopping night time feedings, etc, but nothing permanently worked until we split them up. Why oh why did I think they would magically fall asleep together when the first 9 1/2 months of their lives they didn't?!

Oh well. Lesson learned. Now I just have to figure out the decor for their rooms. I guess maybe I should bite the bullet and get more stuff for the second room? But we don't really need stuff for the second room.

Sigh.

Oh and this morning, when I went to get Sophie, not only had she somehow taken her pants off, but she also had taken her diaper off. Hence, the morning bath and this adorable picture.

Babies. What 'cha gonna do with 'em?

Agri-culture

We went to the Utah State Fair on Monday and it brought back memories of our trip last year. What were we thinking??? Taking 7 lb babies an hour and a half from home and going in a densely populated place with a bunch of farm animals?! Not to mention, that I had to pump in the car and I was only 5 weeks our from my c-section. I laugh about it now, but seriously...that seems so crazy!

This year, I didn't take too many pictures because my camera battery was barely alive, but I did get a few that I thought I'd share. 

Recreating this photo

 

We're finding out more and more that Sophie is not a fan of animals. Most of the time, she's completely freaked out by them. Besides for my mom and sister's dogs, I'm not sure there's an animal out there that she really likes. Parts of the fair were torture for her. Whereas Lillian, wanted to cuddle up with everything that had 4 legs.

 

Look at her face! She was not feeling the goats. Not at all.

This guy (who was incredibly creepy) came up to Josh and said, "You're a big one, sir!" Its definitely not that funny just reading it on this blog, but it was really funny in the moment.  He had this creepy, deep robot voice and the truth is, Josh is a big one. I guess the robot was trying to get the big guys to stick together.

 

I wanted to get a family picture, but it never happened. Oh well. Luckily, we're having our pictures taken by Lindsey Orton next week, so it's not that big of a deal. 

I'm glad I married a guy who appreciates sentimental traditions as much as I do. Going to the fair is definitely something our family is going to do every year!

And just in case you were wondering, the title of this post is from the billboards all around Utah. They have a chicken (or cow or pig) over the "Agri" part of the word and a person with tattoos, body piercings, or rainbow colored hair over the "culture" part of the word. They make me laugh every time I see them, but sadly, my 20 second google search didn't come up with anything, so this stupid explanation is all you get. :)

Proof

This is proof that Lillian can be feisty. Proof that Lillian isn't always passive. Proof that Lillian can sometimes...be a little bratty.

and yes, I laughed and laughed and laughed and even laughed some more when I saw her face in this picture. I'm making sure this picture goes in some future wedding picture slide show she may have.

She shoved her sister out of the toy bin. One second they were laughing and playing nicely, but as soon as I grabbed my camera to document such a sweet moment between sisters, all Hell broke loose. 

And what does the little sister do after she dethroned Sophie?

 

She continued to play like nothing had happened. 

Watch out for this one, world. There's definitely more than meets the eye with Miss Lillian Jean.

Different

Besides for the physical differences, these girls have completely different personalities. Completely different. Generally speaking, Sophie is a lot more emotional. When she's happy, she's really, really happy and when she's sad or mad, she really shows it. Lillian, is content. She doesn't get overly excited most of the time, but doesn't get overly upset either.
Usually.

It's funny to me, however, that people assume that they will always subscribe to their stereotypes. Usually it happens when Lillian is freaking out. People will say, "Oh but isn't that usually Sophie?" or "Man, I thought Sophie was the cranky one!" Well... they are humans with individual personalities that are capable of changing. It doesn't bug me because it's true, they do live up to those 'labels' but every once and a while, they flip on me.

Most of the time, however, you'll find Sophie like this

and Lillian like this

Quite possibly my favorite picture of Lillian EVER.

Basically, Lillian is adorable and Sophie is....

crazy.

:)

The tricky thing about having twins.

*This post was written for moms of twins. Not saying others can't read this, but it's pretty twin specific and kind of long. It's also borderline offensive. Not offensive in a bad way, but some might see it as being offensive to motherhood or a 'poor me, I'm stuck with two babies post'. That's not what I intended at all. I'm am not trying to complain here. I'm just getting out 11 months worth of thoughts. So, read if you wish, but know that I warned you for potentially boring read. :)

Ok, there are a lot of things that are tricky about having two babies at once. Everyone knows about the sleepless nights, the constant crying, the diapers, bottles, etc, etc. There's something else that's hard about it that nobody talks about. People don't talk about it out of fear. Fear that others will judge you for being a horrible parent. Fear that you will make your children upset. Fear of admitting how you really feel deep down. I've been wanting to write about it for months now, but I've been too scared. In fact, I haven't really even talked to Josh about it too much, out of fear. What is this deep dark secret or burden twin moms are carrying? Well, I hinted at it back on this post, but in case you didn't catch it....

The lack of bonding with twins. 

Yep. Bonding. 

It's actually a lot more difficult than I would have ever imagined when you're given two babies at once. Now, I have talked to a few (ok, like 2) people about it and they both mentioned postpartum depression. Let me make something very clear, you do not necessarily have postpartum depression if you can't connect with your twins instantly. It's completely normal. You instantly go from no babies to two babies. It's hard. It's taken me months to really feel bonded with the girls. Months for what most moms feel in the first few seconds of their child's life. See why I've been scared to write about this? 

I know moms who have been scared for bonding with their second child when they already have one. This is also completely normal.  However, they already know what it's like to bond with one baby. Maybe I'm assuming things, but it would seem like that bonding would come more naturally the second time around too. Yes, there's an adjustment phase, but I feel like since they know of the bond between mother and child, they're able to sense it easier with the second child. When you have two at once (especially if they're you're first) you have NO idea what your in for. Your hormones are all over the place, you probably didn't get to hold your babies right away and you are sent home with these two little people to take care of. 

Now, if this post offends you already, stop reading. I'm mostly writing it for moms of twins because it directly relates to them and like I said, hardly anyone talks about it. If you follow Multiples and More you may have seen today's post. I cried as I read it because I can relate 100%. Sometimes I have a hard time not seeing my girls as "the girls" or "the twins". When they were really little, it was almost impossible. Yes, we've always had to walk on eggshells around Sophie and Lillian has always been more laid back, but it was still hard not seeing them as a unit. I had an extremely hard time bonding with them like a 'normal' mother/daughter relationship. Yes, I loved them. No, I wasn't depressed. There were just two of them. I hardly ever got the chance to just soak up a newborn because the other newborn was constantly on my mind. Even if she was sleeping, I worried if she was warm enough, could breathe easily, wanted her binkie, etc, etc. When you have one child, your first born, you can forget about the laundry, dinner, sweeping, scrubbing the toilet and just focus on your baby. Moms that have two at once, never get that like a mom of a singleton. Truthfully, there have been times that I've been pretty bitter over that fact. 

I want to know what it's like to become a mother for the first time and being able to have your baby attached to you every second of your day and attached to you seconds after they're born. I want to have a successful breastfeeding experience (not saying I blame having twins on it, but I think it really, really did contribute to my failure). I want to be physically able to carry by kids long distances. I mean, have you tried carrying two 20 lbs babies up 3 flights of stairs in 90 degree heat? I just tried that the other day and almost died. I don't recommend it. I want to know what it's like to go out in public and NOT talk to anyone. I'm sick of answering questions. The excitement of the extra attention is gone. I'm over being a circus show. I want to know what it's like to only change 7-10 diapers a day, not 15-20. I want to know what its like to not constantly compare my girls against each other and worrying because Lillian figured something out and Sophie has no interest in it yet. Or I want to not worry about comparing their poops because I know they're eating the exact same thing, so why aren't their poops the same?

I'm rambling here, but basically, sometimes I look at Lillian and think, "why did you decide to come on board with Sophie?" Not that Sophie was 'made' first, but she's baby a, so I pretend Lillian's the one who decided to come with her sister. But then, after all of my wishing that I had them one at a time, I remember how freaking awesome it is to have twins. How everyone should want twins and how everyone should be jealous of those of us who have twins.

It's amazing to see two polar opposite personalities budding at once. It's amazing to see my daughters become friends. It's even amazing to see them fight (which they now do... a LOT) because I know that they are aware of each other. The attention is even amazing because it reminds me how blessed I am. I can't even wrap my mind around the odds of me having these two fantastic little babies. They came healthy. They came perfect. They are mine. When I meet people and they comment on their gorgeous eyes or their adorable little smiles, I am reminded of that.So while I think I'll always mourn the fact that I don't know what it's like to mother one, I need to remember that I am a part of a club that nobody can request to join. It's pure chance. And it's through this experience that I've met some amazing women and created some incredible bonds. These girls have been the greatest blessings in my life.

And in a little over two weeks, these girls will be a year old. An entire year of sleepless nights (well, maybe 200 sleepless nights...). An entire year of diapers (which has thankfully been super cheap thanks to cloth diapering). An entire year of formula. An entire year of falling in love with these girls as individuals. My quirky little Sophie and my shy little Lillian are completely different people. Completely different. And you know what else? Now that they're a little older, I'm oddly able to bond with them as if they were newborn. Lillian has gotten super, super clingy to me and wants to be at arms reach of me every second. Sophie, has become a little more independent, which is great because I've been able to spend a lot of time getting to know Lillian better. I'm sure Sophie will go through her clingy phase and I can really focus on her then. 

I'm still rambling, but don't worry, I'm almost done. :) This is one of the reasons I don't dress them alike very often. Sure we have several matching or coordinating outfits, but I've made a pretty good effort to dress them differently most of the time. Why? Because they're different people and for some stupid reason, it helps me (and the entire human population) realize it more when they are wearing different clothes. Maybe that's why I've defended their fraternal status so much. Anything I can do to not think of them as a unit, I do. That's really helped.

Ok, I'm done. This post was kind of all over the place and I don't really know if I said what I intended to say. Basically, if you're struggling with this at all, know that you're not alone. I have a feeling that this post is going to get a lot of reassuring comments and I know I'm looking forward to them. :) 

Aaaaand just because....

My babies are the best.

It's moments like these...

...that I realize how great it is to have twins. They were chasing each other around our bed and giggling hysterically. 

They love each other so, so much.

Little Buddies

These babies really are becoming little buddies. You just have to ignore the times (such as 10 seconds ago) when Sophie deliberately knocked over Lillian and then she bit Sophie back in retaliation. Luckily, Josh is here right now and intervened further attacks. 

I still think they like each other. I think anyway...

That was a pretty Wordless Wednesday. Well, it was for me at least. :)

I still can't believe it.

I found this gem last night and I sat in disbelief as I watched. We had two newborns at once. What. The. Heck. ? When we were in the midst of it all, I was in complete denial. Those first few months are a complete blur. In fact, I have a hard time remembering the babies living in Logan at all. That makes me sad. It's crazy to think how much life has changed in the past 11 months. We went from no babies, living in an apartment in Logan, to having two babies, a move to another apartment and then to a house. We've got girls that are on the verge of walking and who are about to turn a year. A whole year old. Crazy. Too bad I still haven't lost the baby weight. Actually, I did and then got fat again living in our depressing apartment in Salt Lake. However, that's a story for a different day... 

I still can't believe this is my life. It's absolutely insane, but yet, I wouldn't change it for anything. 

11

A lot has happened this month. The girls got their own home, were separated into different rooms, have practically weaned themselves off of formula, seen fireworks, climbed up stairs, played outside more than in their entire life, met new friends at church, and have made a noticeable difference in regards of becoming legitimate people. One month until they are a whole year old. I can't say that I'm sad about that. Unlike most parents, I didn't enjoy the newborn phase so much. Ok, maybe that was bad of me to say, but I'm enjoying these stages so much more. When they were tiny tiny, I had no idea what I was doing. I was overwhelmed, under-confident, sleep deprived, stressing over my milk, and the list goes on and on. I did enjoy it, don't get me wrong, but 'fun' was not a word I would use to describe those first few months. Now, when people ask me how it is to have twins, one of the only words I can think of to describe it is 'fun'. It truly, truly is and it's getting more and more fun every day. 

Sophie

She's still our little drama queen. She's also a little ham. She is fully aware of her emotions and is constantly playing them up. Sometimes I wonder if we have a future Oscar winner in our house because the little acts she plays are that good.

Sophie has really taken 'talking' on lately. She's quite a chatterbox. Yesterday, she crawled up to Lillian, getting a inch and a half away, and yelled, "Badobabedadabooda!". Lillian blank little stare turned into an adorable smile. It was such a special moment between twins. I loved it. 

I'm just waiting for Sophie to get the guts up to take steps on her own. She walks everywhere she can while holding onto your hands, she uses the high chairs as walkers in the kitchen and she continues to stand up without holding onto anything. I'm 99% sure she'll be the first out of the pair to take those first steps. 

Actually, I guess she's sorta taken a few steps on her own. If you sit in front of her and let her go, sometimes she'll take a step or two, get a HUGE smile on her face and then plop down. She's close. I can feel it. 

Sophie has recently turned into a scaredy-cat. She's now over her fear of the turkey, but has since moved to being startled by just about everything. She's also really apprehensive toward strangers. And not even just people she's never met. If she's in an iffy mood, and you're not her mom or dad, she will let you know. So don't feel bad if she screams in your face. I promise it's not just you. 

Lillian

The last few weeks in our apartment were really hard with her. She was grumpy all the time, she was really fussy and was walking up at least twice during the night. A few days after we got into the house, I took a peak inside her mouth and say THREE new teeth! A new bottom tooth and two top teeth instantly appeared over night. I'm pretty confident that these teeth are the explanation of her rough couple of weeks. It's crazy though, because I felt her mouth (so did the pediatrician) and we couldn't feel anything. Now that they've popped through, she's much happier, sleeping through the night and we have our sweet little baby back. Mama is very happy about it.

Lillian is now getting brave enough to stand on her own. She used to be really scared whenever we would let go of her, but now she gets a huge smile on her face and is so proud when she's able to stand for a few seconds. 

This girl can eat. Anything and everything we put in front of her, she will consume. I've even found several pieces of carpet in her diapers lately... Oops....

Lillian is starting to love stuffed animals. We have a little pink bear and a pink pig that one of my mom's coworkers gave the girls, and those are her favorite. She's become quite attached to them and one of them is usually in the crib with her at night. 

Lillian is stunningly cute. Sometimes Josh and I will just sit and stare at her wondering how she got to be so adorable. Sophie is pretty adorable too, but she's usually too grumpy for us to fully appreciate it. ;)

As I mentioned, the girls have stopped drinking so much. They actually drink better if we give them whole milk. I know, I know, they're 11 months old, but we haven't fully switched them over, they're getting half and half. They LOVE eating and would rather eat what we're eating over drinking a bottle. I like this a lot because it's not only really easy, but if forces us to eat things that I want them to eat. Fruits, veggies, whole grains (and not fake whole grains. Legitimate bread and other things that only has 5 ingredients), etc. 

These girls love their dad. He's their favorite person in the entire world. It's super, super cute seeing their faces light up and their little feet start to kick whenever he comes home.

I know I say this every month, but the girls continue to become friends. It's now to the point where I can put a baby gate across their bedroom doorway, throw in some toys and cheese sticks and they'll play for an hour or so without any issues. I love it.

Yep, we still love them. We've almost survived the 'twinfant' stage and I must say that I'm pretty proud of ourselves. Josh and I were just talking about how crazy it is that we have two babies and how different our lives would be if we just had one. I'm truly grateful for these little ladies and am continually humbled by the thought of being their mother. 

We love them so, so much.