That is how old the babies are today (Sunday). That is how long I carried them. They've officially been out, just as long as they were in. I know that most people don't think this is a big deal, but for me, it really, really is. It's only a little bit less cool than their actual birthday. You see, when you're pregnant with twins, numbers become your new best friend. Number of babies, placentas, sacks, fluid levels, heartbeats, blood pressure, weeks gestation, babies weight, length, head circumference, weeks gestation, blood pressure, fluid levels, placentas (yes, that can change over the course of a twin pregnancy. 2 can fuse together and make 1), weeks gestation, weeks gestation, some more blood pressure, weeks gestation, fluid levels and some more weeks gestation. Do you get the idea that weeks gestation is very important and stressed at every appointment? {Which, by the way, you have a bajillion of during a twin pregnancy. I think I had 15 and at least 13 ultrasounds appointments in my shortened pregnancy.}
It's a big deal. I've personally known people that have carried twins to 28 weeks and people who have carried them until 38 weeks. The number you hit almost becomes your bragging right. People are either amazed that you delivered early, conquered the NICU and have healthy babies, or they think you're super woman for carrying 15 lbs of baby in you and surpassing the NICU. My number was 35 weeks and 6 days. When people ask how far along they were at birth, I always round up to 36 weeks. Nobody cares that they were just one day shy of the magic '36' and it's easier that way. I usually get responses of "Oh! That's great for twins!" or "That's the perfect time to deliver, right?" Why yes, it really was perfect.
Personally, I'm not sure I could have asked for a better birth experience. Well, I lied. In a perfect world, they wouldn't have been rushed to the NICU and I would have been able to hold Lillian right away. In a perfect world, they would have been able to be in my room with me and I wouldn't have had to waddle down to see them. Besides that though, it was perfect. Out of all the realistic disasters that could have come up, nothing bad happened. It was perfect. 35 weeks and 6 days was perfect.
These past 35 weeks and 6 days have been crazy. They've gone from being under 5 lbs to almost 20. They are on the verge of crawling, have 3 teeth between the two of them, and are completely in love with each other. The girls have officially been out as long as they were in and I for one can say that I'll forever be grateful that my number was only 35 weeks and 6 days.
Like I said, it was perfect.
The babies sitting on me a couple mornings ago. And yes, I did you all a favor by cropping myself out. Trust me, morning Brittany is a sight to see!
****This is my second post of the day. If you don't care about why I'm not breastfeeding, skip down to see a couple cute pictures of the babies.****
First off, know that I've been thinking about what to write in this post for a long time. This is in no way anti-breastfeeding or my list of excuses. It's simply my story and why it didn't work out for me. I'm writing it because as I was dealing with the guilt and frustration of it all, I would have loved to read something like this. A few weeks ago, I was on a fellow twin mom's blog and she explained her story. It helped me immensely and I thought I'd share what happened to me and my baby girls. Trust me, I've been on enough blogs and forums to know that this is a major hot topic among mothers. Once again, I'm just trying to be open and honest about my experience and hopefully I'll be able to make at least one other mom who 'failed' at it feel a little bit better. This is going to be long, so if you don't want to read it all just know that I'm no longer nursing or pumping and I finally feel great about it.
Before I got pregnant, I didn't give much thought to nursing. I'll admit, I always assumed that I would be an expert at it and I'd stop when my kids got teeth (the thought of them chopping down on me with little fangs has never been appealing). Once I got pregnant, I started doing a little bit of research on it. Then, when I found out I was having twins, my casual research turned into major, in depth studying. I read about supply, positions, latching, etc. I read books, and did a sufficient amount of research. I felt prepared. I bought the GIANT twin nursing pillow (the boppy on steroids) talked to moms, and again, did more and more research. Breastfeeding was going to be free (well...sorta. I'll touch on that in a bit), convenient (again, sort of...)and the best for my daughters. I had my mind made up. That's what I was going to do. I even brushed off the thought of getting a pump because I was sure I was going to be that good at it.
Oh how ignorant I was.
Fast forward to the NICU stay. I realize my babies were only in the hospital for 4 days. There are plenty of NICU stays for weeks and weeks that don't interfere with breastfeeding. I guess I should have been more proactive in demanding to nurse my babies, but I didn't really care (yes, some would automatically flame me as being an awful mother). Of course I wanted to hold my babies and let them know I loved them, but I never had an overwhelming desire to nurse them. Plus, I didn't know if I could. And by could I mean allowed. Nobody ever said anything. I started pumping on the first night and they had bottles with donated breast milk filled with 15 ML for each baby and Josh would feed one while I fed the other. Seriously, nobody said anything about actually breastfeeding. Again, I should have asked, but I was more concerned with their heart rate, oxygen level and getting them home.
I figured there was still plenty of time to get the nursing thing down.
So, I went to a breastfeeding class on the 3rd day in the hospital. It was about a half hour and it wasn't anything I hadn't heard or read before. The lactation consultant was shocked that I hadn't tried nursing my babies and promised to meet me in their room 15 minutes later. When she arrived, I tried it for the first time. I'll admit, I've always been very modest (I didn't even like changing my shirt in front of my closest friends, let alone be half naked in front of a stranger) and I was very awkward about it. More than that though, I didn't feel anymore of a connection than when I was bottle feeding. Call me crazy, but I didn't. I worked with the LC for over an hour nursing each baby separately and then both together. By this point I was in pain, feeling super exposed and not enjoying the experience at all. From the actual act of nursing to the pressure the babies and pillows were putting on my incision from the c-section, it was all around uncool. However, the next day I continued to work with a different LC and just before we went home I was filled with a little more confidence that this was going to work out.
However, my milk still hadn't come in. Like, not at all. I pumped every two hours in the hospital and I could tell that the nurses didn't really believe me. They were actually pretty rude about it. The last nurse I worked with was confident my milk come in that weekend (babies born on a Monday, we went home on a Thursday) but strongly suggested getting a pump. So we rented one (I was still convinced that I wasn't going to need one long term) and we headed home.
I pumped like a mad woman and nothing came until Sunday. It took 7 days for anything to happen. Some people think c-sections have something to do with it, but I know several women who have been able to nurse while being stitched up. Plus, my water broke naturally, I wasn't induced. My body naturally went into labor, so who knows what my deal was. That first weekend home with the babies was the HARDEST couple of days of my life. I'm not kidding when I say that I got an average of 4 hours of sleep a day. The babies were waking up every 1 1/2-2 hours to eat and by the time we got both kids taken care of, we would catch maybe a half hour of snooze time. I was paranoid of something going wrong and a walking zombie (random, but is anyone watching The Walking Dead series on A&E? Super creepy, but I can't stop watching it. Haha!). I tried to nurse during the day, but they would scream and scream and scream. I tried feeding them a bottle first and then nursing, but they would instantly fall asleep. I was also having a really hard time nursing both of them at once. I'd get one going and the other would sneeze and ruin it for both of them. Screams would burst out and I'd join right in with their cries.
It was awful.
About a week later, I missed a call from the original LC I worked with. I didn't call her back because (I'll admit) I was embarrassed. I didn't want to pay $30 for her stupid class and I was slowly loosing any appeal for breastfeeding that I once had. I continued to pump, but the babies were only getting about 50% my milk. Remember, they were only eating 1 oz every two hours and I was pumping for 20 minutes every two hours. That's not a lot of milk at all.
So, I started doing research on low milk supply. In all my previous research, I skipped over this because it didn't even cross my mind that I would have this problem (don't ask me why...). I read up on food and herbs that women swore by and went shopping. The biggest thing that helped me was fenugreek. However, in order for it to have any effect on my supply, I had to take 10 pills a day. It also made everything smell like maple syrup. I mean everything. My skin, hair, pee, sweat... I was a walking waffle. It also didn't come cheap. I think we got a bottle of 100 pills at GNC for about $12. That's a 10 day supply. It would have been awesome if it boosted my supply enough for both girls, but even with the fenugreek and pumping every two hours, they were only getting about 60% of my milk.
They tell you to nurse, nurse, nurse to get your supply up, but that didn't work either since the babies only latched for a few minutes at a time. My pediatrician said to go one weekend without offering a single bottle. Sorry doc, but after 6 hours of starving my babies and having them SCREAM constantly, I gave in. They were nursing better, but still not getting full. By this point they were up to 2 oz every 2 hours and I was making 2 oz. Only enough for one baby.
This went on for about a month. I'd nurse, give formula and pump. It was brutal. My supply hardly increased at all. I think at my peak I was getting 3 oz (6 total) every 2 hours. Sadly, that didn't happen until they were eating 4 oz each. I was never able to keep up with my growing girls.
By mid September, I made the decision to stop nursing. I still wanted to give my babies breast milk, but doing my routine of nurse/bottle/pump was killing me, so I devoted myself to pumping. Again, I was doing it every two hours and tried several 'power pump' sessions (look it up) and nothing special happened. I couldn't get past my peak amount. By the end of October, I had had it. I was so frustrated with my body, my inability to to provide the 'best' for my babies and was WAY too sleep deprived.
Then we moved. Packing up the apartment in a week, traveling down to Salt Lake 3 times in that week and taking care of newborn twins while trying to pump was the most ridiculous thing ever. Plus, I was very emotional because I didn't want to move at all. I was really depressed over the idea. I went several days only pumping once or twice and I'm sure you can imagine what that did to my already pathetic milk supply.
After about a week in our new place, I told Josh I was done and he was more than ok with it. He wanted me to stop stressing and crying over it. I continued to pump about 3 times a day so I wouldn't hurt (not that I've ever experienced being full) and mourned the fact that days that my girls would be getting my milk was rapidly coming to an end. By Halloween, I was getting about 3 oz total in the entire day.
Then, the guilt set in. I made the stupid mistake of looking on the Breastfeeding Multiples board on babycenter and I read all about how wonderful, beneficial and even spiritual breastfeeding can be. I felt a guilt like I'd never felt before and considered myself a huge failure. I secretly started taking fenugreek again and pumped during the day. It was a joke. I was back to the NICU days all over again. I researched how to relactate and realized that very few women have success. Those who do have success were super lactaters (I doubt that's a word) to begin with. I'm actually embarrassed at how hard I tried.
The last time I pumped was the day before Thanksgiving.
I drew out the agony WAY too long.
Even now I feel slightly guilty. Women are hard on each other and VERY opinionated. There are thousands of women (and a handful of men who apparently care) out there who make formula feeding moms feel guilty. Trust me, I've felt plenty of guilt and I truly want to know what it's like to enjoy nursing a baby. However, I ended up making a list of why I'm ok with my decision and it made me feel tons better. The list looked something like this.
Bottle feeding allows Josh, family and friends to feed the babies.
I didn't have any of the 'perks' that supposedly come with breastfeeding. It didn't help me loose weight and it didn't (TMI) stop any monthly female visitor from finding me.
I am still able to bond tremendously with my babies while they drink their bottle.
I don't have to stress about tandem nursing in public. Again, I've always been very modest and for the life of me, I can't figure out a way to modestly nurse two babies in front of others. I know one twin mom who exclusively nurses and she said that she has only gotten out of the house a small handful of times because of it. Ummm...no thanks, that's not for me.
Formula for two is expensive, but with couponing, getting free samples and buying it on KSL (the black market for baby food) it isn't that bad. Plus, I save BIG bucks with cloth diapering. In the almost 4 months that the babies have been here, I think we've spent maybe $75 on diapers. Really though, it's probably more like $50 and I'll continue to save until they're potty trained.
Formula is a lot let stressful for me. No pills, no calorie counting, no pumping/nursing sessions. I make the bottles and feed them all within 10 minutes. I don't stress about bottles a fifth as much as I stressed about my supply.
Now, I realize all of those reasons are about me, but I wasn't the mom my daughters deserved for the first few months because the stress was consuming me. I firmly believe that a mom has to be happy in order to be the best mom for her children. Stressing over what my babies were eating was making me anything but happy. And after talking to our new pediatrician, I was comforted to know how far formula has come. It's completely different than it was even 5 years ago. It's more natural, nutritious and they're getting closer and closer to breast milk. Everyone will agree that it isn't as good as breast milk, but there are thousands of intelligent, thriving babies with great immune systems that have only had formula. The fact that my girls got any breast milk as long as they did was an advantage to them, but formula is currently doing them just fine.
So there you have it. I am the crunchy mother's worse nightmare. I had a c-section and formula feed my babies. Both pretty taboo subjects in mommy world. I'm ok with it because the c-section saved my life and formula has saved my sanity.
This post took me over a week to compile. I'm not sure if anyone will read it, but I hope that someone will benefit from something I said.
And I'll leave you with what my favorite ladies on television think about it.
I've hit some low points lately and this week has been far from ideal. From finishing up at my job (I'm still waiting for the ginormous breakdown from that one), to not being able to use my hands at night, having practically my entire family in Pine Valley/California and feeling like I'm missing out, having my stomach skin feel like a foot that's fallen asleep, getting contraction (real ones, not braxton hicks) every day and only sleeping for about 45 minutes at a time (and if you tell me, "just wait til the babies come" I might go out and buy brass knuckles and try them out on you), and having my feet swell to the size of water balloons, I want a new week.
Here's a visual of this week: Which is why I've decided to load up on these so we wont have any dishes to do when the girls are first here. Wasteful? Yes, but before you judge, remember that I'm cloth diapering. And I also realize that I am a hypocrite. I bash Wal-Mart, but shop there on occasion. Oops.
New week=babies??? We shall see. There have been predictions that it's happening VERY soon. I wouldn't mind that one bit, but am trying not to get my hopes up.
Happy week 35.
*I'm really not that angry or violent, but it has been a hard week and as well as I've done this pregnancy, it's all starting to catch up to me. However, I wasn't serious about the brass knuckles. At least, I don't think I was.... ;)
Some of you have asked and I finally decided to deliver (deliver...haha). Here is my belly in all her 33 week glory. I'm pretty sure the girls dropped even lower last night because instead of having an inch or torso space, I now have about 2 1/2. Good news for my lungs, bad news for my legs. We've basically got the nursery organized, just a few more things need to be washed and put away and then it's time to decorate it a bit. The stroller and car seats are waiting anxiously for people to be in them and the blankets are begging for some baby drool.
33 weeks. I'm still working a few hours a day and am feeling pretty great. I've officially hit numbers on the scale that I never thought I'd see and am only hoping I don't gain too much more weight in the next few weeks. I'm cool if the kids do, but I think my belly/hips can only stretch so far....
I really tried to think of something non pregnancy related to blog about, but alas, my belly consumes me (almost literally) and there's virtually nothing else on my mind. Since I'll be hitting the 32 week mark in a few days, I thought I'd give you a few thoughts on the tail end of a twin pregnancy.
Yesterday, CPD had a little party that included delicious food and swimming. As I was waiting in line to grab Josh some food, the lady serving gave me the usual "you must be due any day now" comment. When I replied, "well, not technically until September" I thought I'd have to scrape her jaw off the concrete. I went onto say that I'm having twins and she got soooo giddy and happy. Her daughter has twins and we chatted for about 45 seconds on how lucky I was to be having two girls and having them first. I was genuinely grateful for her comments, but realize it was the first time I've gotten the "due any day" comment. This scares the daylights out of me.
If I make it to the magic number of 36 weeks, I still have an entire month left. A whole month! Not to complain, but having one baby shoved in your ribs and another practically in your knee caps is getting hard to live with. Luckily, I'm pretty sure baby b has dropped a little bit and that inch or two of extra torso space is allowing me to breath a lot easier. However, baby a hasn't moved a centimeter since about oh....week 20 and I constantly have to think about how I'm walking to make sure I don't waddle. I own about 7 pieces of clothing that I can still fit into and can hardly fit any food in me, but I'm constantly hungry/thirsty. My joints (particularly my fingers) are so stiff that it takes me a good 1-2 minutes when I wake up to even be able to move them and another few hours or so before they stop hurting. I'm starting to think my body (particularly my back) was not made to have 35+ pounds of extra belly weight hanging off of it and I've still got two months until my official due date....
So, is it bad if I want these girls to come sooner? I know they're better off in that out, but I know lots of twins born around 32-35 weeks and they're fine. I haven't even considered going longer than 36 weeks and whenever I read about people who do, I have to quickly stop and go eat a popsicle or something. I had a horrible dream last night that I went in for my 40 week appointment and in tears was begging my doctor to induce me, but he wouldn't. I'm making a mental note to discuss such topics at my next appointment...
However, if they come within the next month, we're not going to be ready. Our dresser and bedding are in Provo, I have yet to order my diapers (I've got the covers, just not the actual prefolds and I had no idea how stressful deciding on those would be. Yet again, SO many different kinds), and although we have 97% of what we need, I don't feel like it's organized and ready for the babies at all. I feel so bipolar because one minute I'll want them here so I can meet them and not be pregnant anymore and then, a minute later I'd be content if they didn't come until next summer. As you can see, I'm a basket case.
I really am trying to relish in the fact that we don't have children yet. I was thinking about it this morning and although I have no idea exactly how our lives will change, I made a inventory of a typical day in the Mangelson house and I literally figured only 3 or 4 things would stay the same. I'm not sure if I'm ready for every aspect of my life to change and although I know it's worth it, it's pretty scary at the same time.
Basically what it all boils down to it this: I am being selfish and should be grateful we (most likely) have a few more weeks. I've never been a control freak, but it's driving me crazy when I think about how little control I have over this situation. The twins could come tomorrow, they could come in September or anytime in between and it would be considered "normal". 36 weeks is the magical number you want to hit and if they came tomorrow all 3 of us would be in trouble, but reading statistics that say they have a 95-98%% chance of survival/growing up to be functioning adults if they were born right now does not make me to thrilled about them staying in for another month or longer. It sounds horrible, but it's true...
So for now, I'll just continue to live in my partial state of denial. I'm in denial of how soon they could come, how much longer I actually could have, our lack of being organized, my fears about the process of getting them here, what the first few weeks of having two newborns will be like, and the fact that my toenails look awful and there's not much I can do about it. Yep, living in denial is where all the cool people (like Lacy) spend their time. At least I'm in good company, right? ;)
Baby A is 3 pounds 2 oz and Baby B is 3 pounds 3 oz (plus I've got the weight of two placentas floating around in there). They are the exact same length (although the doc didn't tell me what that length was) and they continue to be perfect. I however, continue to get more and more exhausted doing...pretty much everything. Went to the temple yesterday and it almost killed me. Got 6 hours of sleep (and no, I didn't see that Twilight silliness) and it almost killed me. Put away a spilled puzzle at work and it almost killed me. Ate a sandwich and it almost killed me. Looked in the mirror and it almost killed me. I might be dead tomorrow, but these girls continue to be and grow perfect.
These are de-freaking-licious. Go buy some. Now. Or tomorow since it's Sunday...
Today is the big 30 week marker. That means in approximately 6 weeks, we'll be holding our girls in our arms. Here's how I feel about it. Terrified Anxious Relieved Curious Excited A little more terrified Rushed Heavy (40 pounds of extra belly weight will do that to you, I guess) Still slightly in denial More curious and throw in a little more terrified
We've got most of the basics ready, but we still have an entire nursery to organize and set up. These girls don't have car seats yet, so that's a problem, and I'm not sure I'm mentally prepared yet for what's in store. So, I retract my last post and now ask... Does anyone have any tips to make time slow down??? 30 weeks down, 6 to go.
Josh wasn't home, so I took this with the blessed self-timer feature on our camera, Elliot. (I mean, what's pregnancy without a picture of your gut taken by yourself?) They all turned out pretty goofy, but this is the best of them. So here it is ladies and gentlemen, 29 and 1/2 weeks of baby girls.
This weekend, we headed down to Provo for another awesome baby shower. I wasn't feeling the greatest, but I brushed it off and tried to appear my peppiest. I wrote off my uncomfortable feelings as just being tired from the drive. However, Saturday night proved that something was wrong.
I woke up about every hour or so with insane cramps. I've called our dr before during 'after hours' freaking out over cramps, but they ended up being nothing. With twins, everything stretches twice as much and twice as fast, so I REALLY wanted to believe that this was just another "expansion". Since this is my first pregnancy, I didn't want to be one of those women who freak out and run to the hospital at every Braxton Hick. However, by 8 am, I had thrown up a few times and was having lower back/abdomen pains every ten minutes or so. We called an old Primary teacher of mine who's a delivery nurse and she said to go straight to the hospital. So, that's what we did.
I was terrified to say the least. Not only did I feel like garbage, but I was trying to convince myself that if I really was in labor everything would be ok. I was actually grateful that we were in Provo because Logan can't handle babies younger than 32 weeks. Since I'm at 28 weeks, if I went into labor in Logan, we'd have to be transported to Ogden or Salt Lake anyways. As we drove to the hospital, I prayed that everything would be ok, but I was exhausted and scared out of my mind.
To make a long story short, everything is fine. Turns out that any virus or bacteria can cause legitimate contractions. So, I've got a rotten case of the stomach flu and my body decided it couldn't handle that along with pregnancy so it tried to "jump ship" as the nurse put it. They ran several tests that can predict up to 2 weeks in advance if you'll go into labor, and my results were negative. So, the Mangel-babies will still cook for at least 2 weeks, but for now I've got to take it easy. One crazy thing about pregnancy, is that they tell you not to lay on your back, but EVERY procedure deals with you on your back. I guess it only makes sense, but being strapped up to 3 monitors for about 3 hours (on top of the 2 hours we'd already been there) and not being able to move almost put me in my grave. The doctor needed 20 minutes of consistent heartbeats from both babies, but of course they both thought it was a big game and kept moving around every minute or so. I tried to reason with the girls and even bribe them into holding still, but that only got them to dance around more. I even threatened baby a that I'd love baby b more because she was still for about 15 minutes straight. Looks like we'll have some wild girls...
Anyways, this brings me to the title of my post. The nurse at the hospital recommended that I stay put in Logan until after these girls are born. I'm thinking that might be a good idea, because the last 2 or 3 times we've got to Utah Valley, some sort of pregnancy/sickness drama has occurred. Also, I'd like to give a shout out to Josh. Poor guy didn't sleep at all last night because I was constantly getting up, moaning and complaining. He was really sweet to me at the hospital and I didn't give him the credit he deserved. If you ever think you've seen me moody or irritated, you've got nothing on what my husband has had to deal with lately.
So... the moral of the story is that contractions are awful (and I was only experiencing mild ones compared to the final moments of labor) and although many people swear by natural childbirth, I thank Heavenly Father for modern medicine and will gladly be taking the epidural. (Well, that and the fact that I might have to have an emergency c-section and without a epi, your options are a lot more limited) My week of blah was probably a warning from my body for what was to come. Did I do anything other than complain? No. Should I have? Yes. I think it's time for me to stop living in denial and start acting pregnant.
Today was very blah. It seemed that almost everyone and everything annoyed me. Going to the store was especially blah and I've decided that I was annoyed by 98% of the human population. So, even though I've got a baby shower to post about, I'm going to save it for a less blah day. For now, maybe I'll put some stuffed animals in our stroller and go for a walk. Then I'll be known as the crazy, grumpy girl who takes stuffed giraffes and alligators around the block. I think I could get used to that title...
Oh, and I'd like to add, "I heard that parents of multiples have a high divorce rate." to my list of things to never say to a pregnant woman. Yep. I actually got that one. I love people.
We're starting off this week with a little Memorial Day getaway to Park City (yes, as far as 'babymoons' go, we Mangelson's go big...) and then we're ending the week with a baby shower. Yippee!
My visiting teacher came over the other day and I realized how grateful I need to be for having such an easy pregnancy. I know women with one baby who have gone on bed rest, had unbearable heart burn, migraines, horrible circulation issues, morning sickness the entire time etc, and I haven't had any of that. SOOOO many twin moms are put on bed rest about this time during their pregnancy, but my Dr. not only doesn't believe in that (unless it's absolutely necessary) but he doesn't seem to think I'll need it at all. In fact, I sat through all of church today and went on a killer walk with Josh. Granted, I had to take a break on someone's grass for a few seconds to get some air back in my lungs, but other than that it was great! So really, I shouldn't complain about this pregnancy like I have been known to do. I've got a lot to be grateful for.
This weekend Josh, Lacy and I ventured to the farmer's market. I've never been to one outside of Cache Valley, but this one was super legit. Chacos, dreadlocks, a bluegrass band, and hippies galore! (not to mention two cute Amish women...) I love it and plan on going as many saturday mornings as I can until I pop. Summer is finally here and I'm ecstatic. Filling up a snow cone frequent buyer card and going to the farmer's market ushered it in with much excitement.
Every time the babies move, you can see my stomach move. It's crazy! When both of them are moving at once, my gut turns into the wave pool at 7 peaks. I love it and love them. Baby A (who we'll call Bertha) moves far less than her sister, but last night, Josh started talking right where she is and BAM out came the kicks, spins, whirls, and double back flips. Babies can begin to hear around week 18, with the ability improving each week, so I know she could hear him because she NEVER moves that much. I feel her every day, but just a kick or two. Not anything like little Gertrude who practices her karate moves every few hours or so. It was such an awesome moment in our little family and I can't wait to have more of them.
One last thing, the other day, I watched several episode of The Facts of Life. It had been a while since I'd pulled out my seasons of it, and I was laughing the entire time. Some of my favorite moments are in this montage. Especially the scene around 3:00...
...that in a matter of a few months (at most), I'll be leaving my job. This is my last week working with the adults in the program and as much I can say I'm thrilled about it, I'm sad at the same time. It's funny how you can complain about something so much, but then when you realize it's over, you just want to cry. Tomorrow will be it and I'll be done working with them forever. Buuuuuut starting June 7th, the teens of BRASC will be back for summer program and I couldn't be happier! In my current uh... condition, I wont be working much, but I'll still get to see them every day. My Stinker, my texting friend, the boy who loves cheese and Simon and Garfunkle and all my other best friends will be back. I can't wait and as much as I'm ready for these girls to come, I selfishly wish they'd come after the summer (without me having to be pregnant that long of course) so I could do all of summer program. Oh well, I'm obviously not in charge there.
It also dawned on me how super Josh is. He surprised me with this
{don't you love how ridiculous the bottle is?}
and this
Does he know how to treat a pregnant lady or what?
I really, really like him.
p.s. Week 25 hasn't been as cruel as I initially expected. The week started out rough, but it quickly got better and hopefully the next 10-14 weeks go by just as fast.
I could sleep through the night without waking up to dash to the bathroom or to turn over every few hours. Yes, this now requires me to wake up. Long gone are the days of peaceful tossing and turning.
I didn't have random teenagers have 'quiet' conversations debating whether I was pregnant or not. Pretty sure I've been out of that stage since week 15. Teenagers must not be too smart.
My belly button looked a little less crazy. I say a little less because my belly button has always been kind of funk looking.
I didn't spend hours blog stalking families with twins.
I weighed 20 pounds less.
I could actually sit through all of church comfortably. I tried last week and failed. :(
I could pick things up off the floor without it taking 4 times as long as it should.
I filled out 1 snow cone punch card in a summer instead of 1 in a single month.
My "big sleep shirts" were just that---big.
I didn't look like an 80 year old getting in/out of a car.
3 pm didn't feel like 3 am.
I would have spent $100 on clothes instead of baby swings. Yeah that's right, I got TWO for $100. Thanks to my sister-in-law, Teresa, spotting an awesome sale. Almost a $200 saving! Let's just hope both babies like them. If not, KSL here we come.
I didn't smell of coco butter constantly. I know it's NOT going to prevent stretch marks, but at least it helps with the insane itching.
The phrase "if the babies are here by then..." never EVER entered my mind.
I didn't realize how lucky I am to have such a great husband.
I had no idea how happy feeling 4 little feet and hands poking around would make me.
I didn't have an adorable crib overflowing with adorable clothes, stuffed animals, and toys.
And before I was pregnant, I didn't know I was capable of loving two little strangers so much.
As much as I've loved being pregnant (insert sarcasm.) I'm really excited for these girls to come. I just got off the phone with another new twin mom and I'm mentally ready (at least that's what I'm telling myself). Lots of moms have two babies at once and survive. Not only do they survive, but they love it! I still read everything I can get my hands on about twins and don't claim to be an expert, but I've probably browsed through 30+ blogs, read about 200+ posts on babycenter and other twin websites, read chunks of 3 books and talked to about 5 twin moms. Maybe all my research will be thrown out the window once my girls arrive, but I feel like I've put a serious effort into discovering what reality will be like and I'm excited to put my research into practice.
I'm sure all you experience moms are laughing at my I've-totally-got-this attitude. In reality, I'm terrified and give myself pep talks such as the one above to calm my nerves. Most of the time it works for a few hours. :)
Opinionated people. Lately, people have been throwing opinions left and right at me about parenting styles, pregnancy issues, cloth diapering, how tired I should or shouldn't be feeling, keeping my kids on/off a schedule, bed rest, the projected names for the babies, what I should do this summer, what "baby gear" I should get, and the list could go on and on.
Don't get me wrong. I love getting advice, tips and suggestions. It's frustrating though, when my (I'll admit, inexperienced) ideas differ a little and I'm looked at as crazy. I don't want anyone to take this the wrong way, but it's frustrating when mom's of one baby tell me "how it is" and seem to forget the fact that I'll have two infants (not one infant and a toddler) at a time. I feel ok complaining a bit, because there's a stigma about twin moms that I'd like to clear up. A lot of people think we're arrogant or that we think we've got the "mother thing" figured out more than singleton moms because we tend to throw advice we get out the window. (Ok, maybe we don't throw it out, we just lightly place it under the rug for a while.) It's not that we're better, it's that we're different. Like I said, having two newborns in the NICU for weeks is different than having a 2 year old and a newborn. Not better at all, just different. Maybe I'm a jerk, but I'll take advice from twin moms a lot easier than I do from singletons. That's why I spend so much time twin websites/groups on babycenter. I've learned more there than I could have ever imagined.
Parenting styles in general are pretty contradicting from each other. Should you feed on demand? Can you hold your baby too much? Is formula going to mess your kid up? Should your kid sit in a Bumbo? Do you need a swing? When should you stop breast feeding your kids? Everyone seems to have STRONG opinions on it all, which is fine. To each his own. I just know that a "one size fits all" parenting style doesn't exist and when you put two infants into the situation, you've got to make some adjustments. (I want to add that this isn't a "singleton mom vs. twin mom" war. Any difference could be inserted. Generational, economical, religious, political, etc. They all have an affect on how you raise your kids and you're more likely to take advice from those in your similar situation.)
The best analogy (and Fro, you know how good I am at coming up with those...) I can think of to explain how I feel, are mothers of children with disabilities. I think of the participants at my work and not one of them were raised the same way. They couldn't be. Their circumstances are so unique. A mother of a severely autistic child wouldn't have much to say to a mother with a child who's got a mild form of cerebral palsy. Or someone with a deaf child wouldn't have the same advice for someone with a wheelchair bound child. Does that make one mother smarter or more experienced? No. Is one better than the other? No. They're just different. A mother with an autistic son is going to take advice from a mother with an autistic daughter. Although the other moms can relate on being mothers of children with disabilities, the way they raise their kids and the adaptions they have to implement are different. I hope that made sense and you could see where I was going with that...
I feel that the same goes with pregnancy. I love talking to twin moms because they know how I'm feeling. I'm 5 months today which means my body (according to a singleton timeframe) is at 6 1/2 months (at least). Now, many of you have been 6 1/2 months pregnant and it sucks, doesn't it? So, if I complain here and there (and I'm trying really hard to stay positive because I know how much more intense this summer will be) forgive me. Call me negative Nancy if you will, but please don't shove your opinions down my throat. Opinions differ from advice (positive advice I'd like to add). I still LOVE hearing from moms and getting suggestions about certain things. However, if you're going to say anything on this list (and I could add a few more that are even more shocking), criticize the names we like, or tell me what a hippie-nut I am, I'd rather not talk to you. Sorry if that's harsh, but it's the truth.
Know that this post isn't directed to anyone in particular. I've been feeling this way for a while and couldn't seem to put my finger on why I was so annoyed by people until now. If you've never had twins and given me advice, I don't hate you. I promise. I just wish that more people would stop comparing themselves to me because it makes me feel that much worse. Hearing how horrible having one child is and hearing "oh, but with two it's going to be worse" does nothing to lift my spirits. Not even a little bit.
Oh, and I've officially stopped telling people it's twins if I can help it. I did today and felt totally normal. Not that I'm ashamed of baby b, but all the extra attention gets old fast. I was asked today and I responded, "it's a girl and I'm due this summer." End of conversation. I loved it. :)
And that's my rant. I think it was more for me to get my thoughts and feelings out, than to actually have anyone read it. So if you're still reading, I'm sorry. My excuse? 6 hours of restless sleep + end of the semester stress + none of my clothes fitting anymore = a grumpy Brittany. And maybe it's not the unwarranted advice that bothers me. It might be the novelty that I've become and extra attention I get. I hate it. I know it's gonna get worse when the babies get here, so I guess I'm being prepared. I think people just don't know how to react with twins, which is why all the weirdness comes out. Hm...my poor girls, at least some day the questions and comments will end for me, but they'll forever get them.
I've got some advice for you...do NOT shop at Motherhood Maternity. If you do, don't give them your address for "coupons" because they will sign you up for 20 issues of the Parenting magazine and then not inform you about it. You will not get a single notification in the mail or by email about it and then a month later you will see that $20 was raped out of your checking account. You will go to the website and look everywhere for a phone number so you can yell obscenities to these creeps, but you wont be able to find one. You'll have to settle for a very angry email and hope your point gets across. The next day will be your birthday so you wont want to ruin your day by yelling at the stupid, ugly girl who scammed you into signing up at the mall, so you'll wait until you hear back from Parenting and if nothing gets solved, you'll give the girl a piece of your mind on Thursday.
Consider yourself warned, Brittany
As you could probably tell with my last few posts, pregnancy has put a feist in me that I've never had before. That poor girl, if she's at work on Thursday she'll probably leave crying...
Oh, and the only reason I went into Motherhood Maternity was to get stupid preggy pops which didn't work any better than Jolly Ranchers. They've got a few cute clothes, but I'm boycotting them forever. Idiots...
Josh just found a phone number, but we missed their closing time by 16 minutes. If they could only see what they had coming....
Ok, so I've debated on how to write this post because I don't want the people who have said these things to feel bad (although most of them have come from random people who don't read this blog). However, know that if you've said them, I don't hate you and it's all in good fun, but I'm just surprised at some of the reactions I've received. A lot of these aren't just for a twin pregnancy, but I'll star specific ones I've gotten because of the twins. And also, I'm going to paraphrase responses I've received to maybe mask the comments a tiny bit.
- You look really cute now, but in a few months you wont be able to walk, or even wear maternity clothes, so enjoy wearing regular clothes now. (actually if you know me, you know my love for sweatpants. I change out of regular clothes as soon as I get home so I guess I should consider myself lucky there)
- Twins! You're going to get stretch marks like you wouldn't believe!* (that one made me cry..)
- Two? You're never going to sleep again. SO much crying, poop, and spit up. I don't know how you'll do it. I'd loose my mind.* (Oh thank you for the heads up. I'll call the insane asylum and make an early reservation.)
-"How far along are you?" "{insert # of weeks at that given time}, but there's two" "Oh honey, you're going to get so big."* (Thanks, I hope you don't die at the age of 30 from a flesh eating disease, but you never know, it might happen.)
-Don't you just love it when you get out of that stage where you don't look fat anymore? (Well, I'm assuming the last time you saw me you just thought I was just fat....)
-My worst nightmare is having twins.* (Oh thank you. Mine is being brutally murdered, but mother two kids sounds awful too...what???)
-Was it planned? ( I know everyone gets this question and I've asked it too, but when you're the pregnant person you realize how weird any answer you give is.Not so much offensive, just awkward especially when it's asked by someone you don't really know, but actually having someone ask you who you do know really well is weird too. Weird question all around.)
-Twins?! God bless you, you're going to need it.* (Well, I consider this pregnancy a blessing so I guess he already has. I hope he blesses you with some tact someday.)
-I don't know how you're going to do it. You aren't even done with school? Hopefully you can graduate, but I wouldn't count on it. (this isn't exactly how it went, but basically I was told fat chance for ever going to school again. Uh, thanks for having faith in me.)
-I can't even imagine how much this is going to cost you guys. (Yeah, we'll we're starting too and we're terrified. Thanks for the reassurance.)
-Wow, you're only that far along? Good luck...(Ok random girl at the quick stop. Good luck ever getting a boyfriend because your voice makes Fran Drecher sound like a lullaby.) (Ok, that was mean on my part I realize, but I blame it on the pregnancy hormones. haha)
-Are you going to be able to breastfeed both babies?* (ok, I hardly know you. I don't feel the need to discuss my potential lactation abilities with you.)
-I hope you can get some quality time together because once these babies come it'll feel like you're hardly married.* (Ok, so I know the dynamics of a relationship changes with kids, but hardly married? I know of many couples with twins that don't seem "hardly married". I'm pretty sure Josh and I have a strong enough relationship to not let these children turn us into just roommates. Again, I'm not naive about the lack of "us" time we'll have, but hardly married? Come on...)
-I hope you have lots of family around because you're going to need it BIG time! I would have died without my mother and I only had one baby* (actually, we don't and most of our friends are moving away from Logan after the summer, so thanks for letting us know how awful our situation is.)
-Don't twins come always early? Are they going to have to be in the NICU? Are you terrified? Does the thought of a c-section freak you out? You'll be on bed rest, right?* (Now, this isn't offensive, but I get asked these questions ALL the time. Yes people, there's a chance of all of this happening and nobody knows how a twin pregnancy will end so I've got no answers for you. That's what I'm scared of most. I have no idea how this will end. Hopefully with two healthy babies, but people are really quick to tell me their horror stories of what they know about twin births and since every twin birth ends totally different, there's no way to know what's going to happen this summer.)
and possibly my favorite...
-So, how did you conceive your babies?* (Um....do we really need to go there? You've got kids. How did you conceive yours? If you're still confused, go talk to someone about it, please.)
So there you have it. Things not to say to a pregnant woman (particularly someone with twins). I don't mean to sound like Negative Nancy and I realize how much support we actually do have. The supportive comments have completely outnumbered the weird ones, so I've very VERY grateful for that, but I'm always a bit taken back by some of the comments. I've been able to laugh them all off (except the stretch mark one) and it's pretty entertaining to see people's reactions. I'm slightly sad though because I've lost a lot of my identity and have become this pregnancy. I guess that's what happens to all moms at some point so I should get used to it, but since I exploded at 11 weeks, I didn't really get the chance to wrap my mind around any of it before the questions/comments started pouring in. Oh well, we'll make it and no matter how scared or how poor we are, we couldn't be happier. Josh and I are getting more and more excited each day and we can't wait for these little ones to arrive.
So, any moms or pregnant women out there that would like to add to the list? :)
When you delete people from facebook and a few days/weeks later they request your friendship again. I'm sorry, but we didn't talk in middle school, you moved away in high school, and I don't feel like we're "friends". Am I horrible? Or there's the people that you become friends with and NEVER say a word to. I've been 'friends' with people for years and never say a peep. It only for stalking reasons they are still my friend. It's sooo creepy! Really, if it wasn't for me wanting to spare social awkwardness, I'd be friends with probably 200 people. Family, friends, and a few people I'd keep for entertainment purposes only. Maybe I should just stick to the blogging world and dump facebook? I mean, how are high school reunions going to be now? Everyone knows what's going on in everyone's lives and even more so than when we were going to school together! Hmmm....the decisions we must make these days. In other news, I felt the baby on my right side move yesterday. It was actually more than just a "flutter" like people say it is. It felt like a vibrating ping pong ball if that makes any sense at all. I don't think I felt the left baby move, but I tried to talk myself into thinking that I did. So Lacy, as of yesterday the pepperoni baby is on my right. However, apparently they can switch places inside of me within seconds. How in the WORLD am I not feeling that? Crazy. Oh, and we've got just two weeks until we find out the genders! Mommy and Daddy are thrilled. (that will be the one and only time I refer to Josh and I as such. I realized a few days ago that we would be parents and I had a slight panic attack.) Until then, feel free to guess what the kids are. I don't think I'll put a poll (haha, Fro) anywhere, and there wont be a prize if you get it right, your guesses would purely be for my entertainment.
Also, someone invited me to become a fan of, Twilight New Moon! First 10,000 Fans Get a Free New Moon DVD!!!
Seriously? I wouldn't even make it in the first 100,000,000,000,000,000,000 fans. I'm glad my facebook friends know me so well. :)
One last thing. I bought my first pair of maternity jeans yesterday with the fabulous photographer mentioned in this post. They are a dark wash, skinny jean and I love them. I'm finally ready for pregnancy. Bring it!
I've done a decent amount of research and you might think I'm crazy, but I think I'm going to try it. Anyone out there cloth diaper? Know people who do? I don't think I'd go 100% cloth for a while, but even if I did 50% it would be like only buying diapers for one instead of two. There's a whole cloth diapering community out there that I had no idea existed. Everyone is very positive about it and hey, humans have been doing it for thousands of years, so it's not that crazy of an idea, right? I read that you can easily save $1,000-$2,000 by cloth diapering/cloth wiping. That's one baby. Granted, you've got to take into account the time to wash them etc, but like I said, this isn't anything new. My grandparent's used cloth diapers, why can I? Plus, you can reuse cloth diapers for multiple kids. Disposables? They're gone in a couple of hours. Forever.
It's something to think about. People will think I'm a hippie weirdo, but I really think I'm going to do it. I found this blog and series of posts last night that reassured me. Then there's this list and these FAQ's that also brought up some good points. Plus, you can buy flushable inserts that make the job even easier.
The only negative thing I can see about it (and this is a pretty big negative) is the washing. However, people swear that it's not that bad and if it's going to save thousands of dollars and have lots of other benefits for the babies...why not? I've mentioned this before, but I'm no stranger to diapers. I change adult and teen size diapers all the time. I know you can't really compare those, but I really know what it's like to change a diaper. Would a cloth diaper be anymore of a big deal than an adults? Probably not.
Has anyone tried it and hated it? I know a lot of people find it repulsing from the get-go, but I'm wondering if anyone has given it a shot and has not liked it. (or knows of someone who hasn't liked it) I've tried to find cases like that on the internet and they are few and far between. I'm really, really leaning towards it. Saves mucho money (I know upfront it's more money, but if you you can use them for all your babies and save over a $1,000 for each kid, that adds up quick), natural for babies, less chance of diaper rash, a lot less environmental impact, plus they're cute...
Thoughts? Oh, and if any of you lovely people ever babysit my children, know that we'll put them in disposable diapers. Don't worry, my sister already said she wouldn't babysit if she had to deal with a poopy cloth diaper. :)
Not only am I a good sister, but I'm already becoming a excellent mother. I'm using my children to get what I want. I mean, that's why people have kids, right? ;)
