****This is my second post of the day. If you don't care about why I'm not breastfeeding, skip down to see a couple cute pictures of the babies.****
First off, know that I've been thinking about what to write in this post for a long time. This is in no way anti-breastfeeding or my list of excuses. It's simply my story and why it didn't work out for me. I'm writing it because as I was dealing with the guilt and frustration of it all, I would have loved to read something like this. A few weeks ago, I was on a fellow twin mom's blog and she explained her story. It helped me immensely and I thought I'd share what happened to me and my baby girls. Trust me, I've been on enough blogs and forums to know that this is a major hot topic among mothers. Once again, I'm just trying to be open and honest about my experience and hopefully I'll be able to make at least one other mom who 'failed' at it feel a little bit better. This is going to be long, so if you don't want to read it all just know that I'm no longer nursing or pumping and I finally feel great about it.
Before I got pregnant, I didn't give much thought to nursing. I'll admit, I always assumed that I would be an expert at it and I'd stop when my kids got teeth (the thought of them chopping down on me with little fangs has never been appealing). Once I got pregnant, I started doing a little bit of research on it. Then, when I found out I was having twins, my casual research turned into major, in depth studying. I read about supply, positions, latching, etc. I read books, and did a sufficient amount of research. I felt prepared. I bought the GIANT twin nursing pillow (the boppy on steroids) talked to moms, and again, did more and more research. Breastfeeding was going to be free (well...sorta. I'll touch on that in a bit), convenient (again, sort of...) and the best for my daughters. I had my mind made up. That's what I was going to do. I even brushed off the thought of getting a pump because I was sure I was going to be that good at it.
Oh how ignorant I was.
Fast forward to the NICU stay. I realize my babies were only in the hospital for 4 days. There are plenty of NICU stays for weeks and weeks that don't interfere with breastfeeding. I guess I should have been more proactive in demanding to nurse my babies, but I didn't really care (yes, some would automatically flame me as being an awful mother). Of course I wanted to hold my babies and let them know I loved them, but I never had an overwhelming desire to nurse them. Plus, I didn't know if I could. And by could I mean allowed. Nobody ever said anything. I started pumping on the first night and they had bottles with donated breast milk filled with 15 ML for each baby and Josh would feed one while I fed the other. Seriously, nobody said anything about actually breastfeeding. Again, I should have asked, but I was more concerned with their heart rate, oxygen level and getting them home.
I figured there was still plenty of time to get the nursing thing down.
So, I went to a breastfeeding class on the 3rd day in the hospital. It was about a half hour and it wasn't anything I hadn't heard or read before. The lactation consultant was shocked that I hadn't tried nursing my babies and promised to meet me in their room 15 minutes later. When she arrived, I tried it for the first time. I'll admit, I've always been very modest (I didn't even like changing my shirt in front of my closest friends, let alone be half naked in front of a stranger) and I was very awkward about it. More than that though, I didn't feel anymore of a connection than when I was bottle feeding. Call me crazy, but I didn't. I worked with the LC for over an hour nursing each baby separately and then both together. By this point I was in pain, feeling super exposed and not enjoying the experience at all. From the actual act of nursing to the pressure the babies and pillows were putting on my incision from the c-section, it was all around uncool. However, the next day I continued to work with a different LC and just before we went home I was filled with a little more confidence that this was going to work out.
However, my milk still hadn't come in. Like, not at all. I pumped every two hours in the hospital and I could tell that the nurses didn't really believe me. They were actually pretty rude about it. The last nurse I worked with was confident my milk come in that weekend (babies born on a Monday, we went home on a Thursday) but strongly suggested getting a pump. So we rented one (I was still convinced that I wasn't going to need one long term) and we headed home.
I pumped like a mad woman and nothing came until Sunday. It took 7 days for anything to happen. Some people think c-sections have something to do with it, but I know several women who have been able to nurse while being stitched up. Plus, my water broke naturally, I wasn't induced. My body naturally went into labor, so who knows what my deal was. That first weekend home with the babies was the HARDEST couple of days of my life. I'm not kidding when I say that I got an average of 4 hours of sleep a day. The babies were waking up every 1 1/2-2 hours to eat and by the time we got both kids taken care of, we would catch maybe a half hour of snooze time. I was paranoid of something going wrong and a walking zombie (random, but is anyone watching The Walking Dead series on A&E? Super creepy, but I can't stop watching it. Haha!). I tried to nurse during the day, but they would scream and scream and scream. I tried feeding them a bottle first and then nursing, but they would instantly fall asleep. I was also having a really hard time nursing both of them at once. I'd get one going and the other would sneeze and ruin it for both of them. Screams would burst out and I'd join right in with their cries.
It was awful.
About a week later, I missed a call from the original LC I worked with. I didn't call her back because (I'll admit) I was embarrassed. I didn't want to pay $30 for her stupid class and I was slowly loosing any appeal for breastfeeding that I once had. I continued to pump, but the babies were only getting about 50% my milk. Remember, they were only eating 1 oz every two hours and I was pumping for 20 minutes every two hours. That's not a lot of milk at all.
So, I started doing research on low milk supply. In all my previous research, I skipped over this because it didn't even cross my mind that I would have this problem (don't ask me why...). I read up on food and herbs that women swore by and went shopping. The biggest thing that helped me was fenugreek. However, in order for it to have any effect on my supply, I had to take 10 pills a day. It also made everything smell like maple syrup. I mean everything. My skin, hair, pee, sweat... I was a walking waffle. It also didn't come cheap. I think we got a bottle of 100 pills at GNC for about $12. That's a 10 day supply. It would have been awesome if it boosted my supply enough for both girls, but even with the fenugreek and pumping every two hours, they were only getting about 60% of my milk.
They tell you to nurse, nurse, nurse to get your supply up, but that didn't work either since the babies only latched for a few minutes at a time. My pediatrician said to go one weekend without offering a single bottle. Sorry doc, but after 6 hours of starving my babies and having them SCREAM constantly, I gave in. They were nursing better, but still not getting full. By this point they were up to 2 oz every 2 hours and I was making 2 oz. Only enough for one baby.
This went on for about a month. I'd nurse, give formula and pump. It was brutal. My supply hardly increased at all. I think at my peak I was getting 3 oz (6 total) every 2 hours. Sadly, that didn't happen until they were eating 4 oz each. I was never able to keep up with my growing girls.
By mid September, I made the decision to stop nursing. I still wanted to give my babies breast milk, but doing my routine of nurse/bottle/pump was killing me, so I devoted myself to pumping. Again, I was doing it every two hours and tried several 'power pump' sessions (look it up) and nothing special happened. I couldn't get past my peak amount. By the end of October, I had had it. I was so frustrated with my body, my inability to to provide the 'best' for my babies and was WAY too sleep deprived.
Then we moved. Packing up the apartment in a week, traveling down to Salt Lake 3 times in that week and taking care of newborn twins while trying to pump was the most ridiculous thing ever. Plus, I was very emotional because I didn't want to move at all. I was really depressed over the idea. I went several days only pumping once or twice and I'm sure you can imagine what that did to my already pathetic milk supply.
After about a week in our new place, I told Josh I was done and he was more than ok with it. He wanted me to stop stressing and crying over it. I continued to pump about 3 times a day so I wouldn't hurt (not that I've ever experienced being full) and mourned the fact that days that my girls would be getting my milk was rapidly coming to an end. By Halloween, I was getting about 3 oz total in the entire day.
Then, the guilt set in. I made the stupid mistake of looking on the Breastfeeding Multiples board on babycenter and I read all about how wonderful, beneficial and even spiritual breastfeeding can be. I felt a guilt like I'd never felt before and considered myself a huge failure. I secretly started taking fenugreek again and pumped during the day. It was a joke. I was back to the NICU days all over again. I researched how to relactate and realized that very few women have success. Those who do have success were super lactaters (I doubt that's a word) to begin with. I'm actually embarrassed at how hard I tried.
The last time I pumped was the day before Thanksgiving.
I drew out the agony WAY too long.
Even now I feel slightly guilty. Women are hard on each other and VERY opinionated. There are thousands of women (and a handful of men who apparently care) out there who make formula feeding moms feel guilty. Trust me, I've felt plenty of guilt and I truly want to know what it's like to enjoy nursing a baby. However, I ended up making a list of why I'm ok with my decision and it made me feel tons better. The list looked something like this.
So there you have it. I am the crunchy mother's worse nightmare. I had a c-section and formula feed my babies. Both pretty taboo subjects in mommy world. I'm ok with it because the c-section saved my life and formula has saved my sanity.
This post took me over a week to compile. I'm not sure if anyone will read it, but I hope that someone will benefit from something I said.
And I'll leave you with what my favorite ladies on television think about it.
I love these women.
So much.
First off, know that I've been thinking about what to write in this post for a long time. This is in no way anti-breastfeeding or my list of excuses. It's simply my story and why it didn't work out for me. I'm writing it because as I was dealing with the guilt and frustration of it all, I would have loved to read something like this. A few weeks ago, I was on a fellow twin mom's blog and she explained her story. It helped me immensely and I thought I'd share what happened to me and my baby girls. Trust me, I've been on enough blogs and forums to know that this is a major hot topic among mothers. Once again, I'm just trying to be open and honest about my experience and hopefully I'll be able to make at least one other mom who 'failed' at it feel a little bit better. This is going to be long, so if you don't want to read it all just know that I'm no longer nursing or pumping and I finally feel great about it.
Before I got pregnant, I didn't give much thought to nursing. I'll admit, I always assumed that I would be an expert at it and I'd stop when my kids got teeth (the thought of them chopping down on me with little fangs has never been appealing). Once I got pregnant, I started doing a little bit of research on it. Then, when I found out I was having twins, my casual research turned into major, in depth studying. I read about supply, positions, latching, etc. I read books, and did a sufficient amount of research. I felt prepared. I bought the GIANT twin nursing pillow (the boppy on steroids) talked to moms, and again, did more and more research. Breastfeeding was going to be free (well...sorta. I'll touch on that in a bit), convenient (again, sort of...) and the best for my daughters. I had my mind made up. That's what I was going to do. I even brushed off the thought of getting a pump because I was sure I was going to be that good at it.
Oh how ignorant I was.
Fast forward to the NICU stay. I realize my babies were only in the hospital for 4 days. There are plenty of NICU stays for weeks and weeks that don't interfere with breastfeeding. I guess I should have been more proactive in demanding to nurse my babies, but I didn't really care (yes, some would automatically flame me as being an awful mother). Of course I wanted to hold my babies and let them know I loved them, but I never had an overwhelming desire to nurse them. Plus, I didn't know if I could. And by could I mean allowed. Nobody ever said anything. I started pumping on the first night and they had bottles with donated breast milk filled with 15 ML for each baby and Josh would feed one while I fed the other. Seriously, nobody said anything about actually breastfeeding. Again, I should have asked, but I was more concerned with their heart rate, oxygen level and getting them home.
I figured there was still plenty of time to get the nursing thing down.
So, I went to a breastfeeding class on the 3rd day in the hospital. It was about a half hour and it wasn't anything I hadn't heard or read before. The lactation consultant was shocked that I hadn't tried nursing my babies and promised to meet me in their room 15 minutes later. When she arrived, I tried it for the first time. I'll admit, I've always been very modest (I didn't even like changing my shirt in front of my closest friends, let alone be half naked in front of a stranger) and I was very awkward about it. More than that though, I didn't feel anymore of a connection than when I was bottle feeding. Call me crazy, but I didn't. I worked with the LC for over an hour nursing each baby separately and then both together. By this point I was in pain, feeling super exposed and not enjoying the experience at all. From the actual act of nursing to the pressure the babies and pillows were putting on my incision from the c-section, it was all around uncool. However, the next day I continued to work with a different LC and just before we went home I was filled with a little more confidence that this was going to work out.
However, my milk still hadn't come in. Like, not at all. I pumped every two hours in the hospital and I could tell that the nurses didn't really believe me. They were actually pretty rude about it. The last nurse I worked with was confident my milk come in that weekend (babies born on a Monday, we went home on a Thursday) but strongly suggested getting a pump. So we rented one (I was still convinced that I wasn't going to need one long term) and we headed home.
I pumped like a mad woman and nothing came until Sunday. It took 7 days for anything to happen. Some people think c-sections have something to do with it, but I know several women who have been able to nurse while being stitched up. Plus, my water broke naturally, I wasn't induced. My body naturally went into labor, so who knows what my deal was. That first weekend home with the babies was the HARDEST couple of days of my life. I'm not kidding when I say that I got an average of 4 hours of sleep a day. The babies were waking up every 1 1/2-2 hours to eat and by the time we got both kids taken care of, we would catch maybe a half hour of snooze time. I was paranoid of something going wrong and a walking zombie (random, but is anyone watching The Walking Dead series on A&E? Super creepy, but I can't stop watching it. Haha!). I tried to nurse during the day, but they would scream and scream and scream. I tried feeding them a bottle first and then nursing, but they would instantly fall asleep. I was also having a really hard time nursing both of them at once. I'd get one going and the other would sneeze and ruin it for both of them. Screams would burst out and I'd join right in with their cries.
It was awful.
About a week later, I missed a call from the original LC I worked with. I didn't call her back because (I'll admit) I was embarrassed. I didn't want to pay $30 for her stupid class and I was slowly loosing any appeal for breastfeeding that I once had. I continued to pump, but the babies were only getting about 50% my milk. Remember, they were only eating 1 oz every two hours and I was pumping for 20 minutes every two hours. That's not a lot of milk at all.
So, I started doing research on low milk supply. In all my previous research, I skipped over this because it didn't even cross my mind that I would have this problem (don't ask me why...). I read up on food and herbs that women swore by and went shopping. The biggest thing that helped me was fenugreek. However, in order for it to have any effect on my supply, I had to take 10 pills a day. It also made everything smell like maple syrup. I mean everything. My skin, hair, pee, sweat... I was a walking waffle. It also didn't come cheap. I think we got a bottle of 100 pills at GNC for about $12. That's a 10 day supply. It would have been awesome if it boosted my supply enough for both girls, but even with the fenugreek and pumping every two hours, they were only getting about 60% of my milk.
They tell you to nurse, nurse, nurse to get your supply up, but that didn't work either since the babies only latched for a few minutes at a time. My pediatrician said to go one weekend without offering a single bottle. Sorry doc, but after 6 hours of starving my babies and having them SCREAM constantly, I gave in. They were nursing better, but still not getting full. By this point they were up to 2 oz every 2 hours and I was making 2 oz. Only enough for one baby.
This went on for about a month. I'd nurse, give formula and pump. It was brutal. My supply hardly increased at all. I think at my peak I was getting 3 oz (6 total) every 2 hours. Sadly, that didn't happen until they were eating 4 oz each. I was never able to keep up with my growing girls.
By mid September, I made the decision to stop nursing. I still wanted to give my babies breast milk, but doing my routine of nurse/bottle/pump was killing me, so I devoted myself to pumping. Again, I was doing it every two hours and tried several 'power pump' sessions (look it up) and nothing special happened. I couldn't get past my peak amount. By the end of October, I had had it. I was so frustrated with my body, my inability to to provide the 'best' for my babies and was WAY too sleep deprived.
Then we moved. Packing up the apartment in a week, traveling down to Salt Lake 3 times in that week and taking care of newborn twins while trying to pump was the most ridiculous thing ever. Plus, I was very emotional because I didn't want to move at all. I was really depressed over the idea. I went several days only pumping once or twice and I'm sure you can imagine what that did to my already pathetic milk supply.
After about a week in our new place, I told Josh I was done and he was more than ok with it. He wanted me to stop stressing and crying over it. I continued to pump about 3 times a day so I wouldn't hurt (not that I've ever experienced being full) and mourned the fact that days that my girls would be getting my milk was rapidly coming to an end. By Halloween, I was getting about 3 oz total in the entire day.
Then, the guilt set in. I made the stupid mistake of looking on the Breastfeeding Multiples board on babycenter and I read all about how wonderful, beneficial and even spiritual breastfeeding can be. I felt a guilt like I'd never felt before and considered myself a huge failure. I secretly started taking fenugreek again and pumped during the day. It was a joke. I was back to the NICU days all over again. I researched how to relactate and realized that very few women have success. Those who do have success were super lactaters (I doubt that's a word) to begin with. I'm actually embarrassed at how hard I tried.
The last time I pumped was the day before Thanksgiving.
I drew out the agony WAY too long.
Even now I feel slightly guilty. Women are hard on each other and VERY opinionated. There are thousands of women (and a handful of men who apparently care) out there who make formula feeding moms feel guilty. Trust me, I've felt plenty of guilt and I truly want to know what it's like to enjoy nursing a baby. However, I ended up making a list of why I'm ok with my decision and it made me feel tons better. The list looked something like this.
- Bottle feeding allows Josh, family and friends to feed the babies.
- I didn't have any of the 'perks' that supposedly come with breastfeeding. It didn't help me loose weight and it didn't (TMI) stop any monthly female visitor from finding me.
- I am still able to bond tremendously with my babies while they drink their bottle.
- I don't have to stress about tandem nursing in public. Again, I've always been very modest and for the life of me, I can't figure out a way to modestly nurse two babies in front of others. I know one twin mom who exclusively nurses and she said that she has only gotten out of the house a small handful of times because of it. Ummm...no thanks, that's not for me.
- Formula for two is expensive, but with couponing, getting free samples and buying it on KSL (the black market for baby food) it isn't that bad. Plus, I save BIG bucks with cloth diapering. In the almost 4 months that the babies have been here, I think we've spent maybe $75 on diapers. Really though, it's probably more like $50 and I'll continue to save until they're potty trained.
- Formula is a lot let stressful for me. No pills, no calorie counting, no pumping/nursing sessions. I make the bottles and feed them all within 10 minutes. I don't stress about bottles a fifth as much as I stressed about my supply.
So there you have it. I am the crunchy mother's worse nightmare. I had a c-section and formula feed my babies. Both pretty taboo subjects in mommy world. I'm ok with it because the c-section saved my life and formula has saved my sanity.
This post took me over a week to compile. I'm not sure if anyone will read it, but I hope that someone will benefit from something I said.
And I'll leave you with what my favorite ladies on television think about it.
I love these women.
So much.
Definitely read every word of this post. I cannot believe your life, I feel very wimpy compared to you. Mucho kudos!
ReplyDeleteDon't worry, I read the whole thing, and I think it was beautifully written! Seriously Britt, you are a rockstar!! You went through everything you could for your girls, and you are giving them the ABSOLUTE BEST by being such a great mom. I know a few different women personally who have struggled a lot with breastfeeding, and I honestly believe that it is a personal, case-by-case decision.
ReplyDeleteYou are so wonderful, I'm glad you wrote this for both yourself and others...You are such a great mommy!
Okay, I read through the whole thing as well (the other two commenters beat me to "I read every word")...But seriously. I am SOOO impressed and I agree with you (and the women of The View) one hundred percent. GOOD FOR YOU for posting this! I LOVED it! I am totally going to come to you for advice when we start poppin' out melons. You are just awesome. You turn the term "Rockstar Mom" on it's head. You are SO much more than that! Ah! I'm done gushing :)
ReplyDeleteAwesome, Brittany!!!! Thanks for sharing this!!! It's funny how we got on this subject the other day! Seriously, Moms out there, please do not judge someone who is formula feeding. Many Moms want to breastfeed but are not able to. I breastfed two of my children and I am pregnant with my third. I suffer from severe postpartum depression and it comes from hormonal imbalances and the depression is increased when I breastfeed. I most likely will formula feed my third baby. I love breastfeeding but feel it's more important to be healthy and happy for this baby coming!!! Brittany and I talked about how the "guilt" factor is added to it if you even mention to another Mom that you are not breastfeeding for whatever reason. Not all Moms are judgemental, of course, but some do chime in and make the guilt worse on the breastfeeding subject! I've stopped talking to people about my decision. You ARE NOT less of a Mom if formula is what is needed or even if it's just a simple choice for YOU and your baby! I'm glad you wrote this Brittany! You're awesome! You did your absolute best! That's all that matters! Please, as women, do not judge each other on this subject!!!
ReplyDeleteLove you Brittany!!!
Amen, amen, amen! Last Sunday, the teacher in Relief Society told a story about a lady who LOST her FAITH in the Gospel because she had medical problems and wasn't able to breastfeed (among some other reasons... but still). I was totally furious through the entire story. Seriously?!
ReplyDeleteI was really, really guilty not nursing Sadie. But then I watched Sadie grow up into an extremely healthy, smart, awesome little girl after being fed formula for 9 months and I realized that I freaked out for nothing.
I Can't imagine nursing 2 babies. I am nursing Dixon and it is the hardest thing I have ever done. Not because my milk supply is low but because it is all me all the time. I only have a hand pump and the last thing I want to do after nursing him for 20+ minutes is pump :)If breast feeding weren't so good for him I would have stopped a long time ago. I'm planning on weaning him at 6 months old. I'm impressed that you lasted that long
ReplyDeleteI wasn't able to breastfeed either! Thank you for writing this post! I too felt extremely guilty. William is super healthy and hasn't been sick yet! (knock on wood) Formula is great! Breastfeeding made me feel stress, anxiety, and I would cry all the time! It doesn't work for everyone and that is fine!
ReplyDeleteWhether or not you breastfeed (or have natural childbirth, or have a c-section, or any number of hot-topic mother things) does not determine whether or not you are a good mother. It's a marathon. Your girls will only ask you about it when they go to feed their own babies. You do what's best for your family. Period. I nursed all 6 kids, for varying lengths of time, and I was never all that crazy about it. I did not like to do it in public, so I always pumped a bottle for church or when I needed to be away from home (which also shocked other moms). I almost had a ceremonial nursing bra-burning the day after Ryan turned one.
ReplyDeleteSo, bottom line, just because some people feel strongly about something, or have strong connections to doing something in the realm of motherhood, does not mean that you have to feel the same way about it. I always found it ironic that a friend of mine pumped milk for a year (for every.single.feeding!), but had no qualms about going back to work when her baby was 6 weeks old. What makes a good mom? Lots of things added up, over a really long time. And you're on your way, baby!
Ditto and Amen to what has been said. Your girls are healthy, happy (and adorable!) and that's what matters. Do what works for you and your family. Forget what anyone else thinks. I am nursing a new baby too and it is a ton of work even without a low supply. I couldn't imagine nursing two babies on top of dealing with the stress of not having enough milk to go around. I would totally make the same decision if I was in your shoes. You're doing great and your little girls are very precious.
ReplyDeleteI didn't have a problem breastfeeding my first, but the twins might be a different story! It's interesting to read your experience. I don't think any less of a mom who choose formula. I don't understand how anyone could...the only flaw I see with this whole post is stating you LOVE the women of the View. Ew. haha. I can't stand them! (But to each her own...Had to debate that issue...jk)
ReplyDeleteI am one of those moms that is into natural childbirth, babywearing, and extended nursing. I nursed three of my kids for about 7 years. It was relatively easy for me to do those things.
ReplyDeleteHOWEVER
I don't know you, and I don't know any of your story except what you wrote on here. I must say, that if things for me had been even slightly close to how difficult you had it, I would have quit too (and much sooner). I am so impressed that you tried for as long as you did. WOW!
I can understand being disappointed. I quit after three days with my first kid. It was disappointing. But girl, don't feel guilty. You gave it your best+ shot! What matters most is that you made the decision to take care of yourself. That's what is most important.
Best of luck to you and your beautiful babies.
This really is such an interesting topic. Glad you wrote about it. For me I've been super lucky. I've been by the book. Milk came in at the 3rd day and I always had enough to feed 10 babies. exaggerating but really I always have way more then I need. My boobs need to calm down more then build up. I don't say this to brag I say it because even though "I can do it" doesn't mean I would ever think bad of somebody who can't. I learned in the NICU a lot of funny things. Like why in the world did they not tell you that you could breastfeed. I don't think they realize how intimidating it is in there and just assume you'll ask but I probably would have done what you did. They should have told you. Not that it would have changed anything but still that just bugs. And when you tell them you are pumping and they don't believe you. I know that look of, "Sure!" For me it wasn't about pumping but other things. So annoying!
ReplyDeleteI've realized with many friends who can and can't breastfeed that everybody is soooo different. There is no right or wrong way. You do what works for you and that's that. I can only imagine how much happier all 4 of you are now. I know the guilt thing though. I feel guilt about a lot of things. Other things, but us women guilt ourselves to much. We expect too much of ourselves.
I commend you for realizing it is better for you to bottle feed. Your girls will now be happier because they can eat and you and your husband can relax and he can help!
Bailey would never take a bottle. I've learned that even though Matthew will breastfeed to always give him 1 bottle a day. Because it does come in hand!
sorry that was long!
ReplyDeleteUm, I think you're pretty incredible. I do believe that breast milk is best, and I've been very blessed that I've been able to nurse all of my babies. And, while I do wish that every woman would at least give breast-feeding a try, I completely understand that sometimes (whether it's because of medical issues, or just not "feeling" it) it just doesn't work.
ReplyDeleteFor me, though, I'm more concerned about if the baby is actually getting fed. I have a friend who is EXTREMELY pro-breast feeding and is very vocal about it, and has offended some people for bottle feeding. I think breastfeeding is incredible, but to be honest, I don't care if a woman breast feeds or bottle feeds as long as she loves her baby(ies) and takes care of them.
Again, I think you're pretty incredible, and if you lived up here still, I'd absolutely love to feed your babies their bottles while looking into their cute little eyes! :)
britt! you are so brave and amazing for trying so hard!
ReplyDeletethe first time and first baby was a nightmare for me.
i got my milk in just fine but i wasn't getting enough, i was pumping every time before and after i fed the baby. it was insane! my nipples were sad (hahah)
i decided to just breastfeed and let it happen when it would and if baby was hungry i did bottles. my milk was completely gone from night to day at 6 months.
i like you got my monthly reminder that i could get preggo again every month, and i don't loose any weight either until im completely done breastfeeding. seriously the first week my milk was gone i lost 6 pounds.
with my second baby it was way different.
i got my milk in early just like the first but i had soooooo much without even trying.
i breatfed for 9 months until my little guy decided to gag my boob after a trip to trinidad and tobago. i didn't force it anymore.
with him i never got a period until i was completely done but i was still fat for 9 months.
i really have a love/hate relationship with breastfeeding.
i love it bc its free but hate it bc it hurts sometimes, its so time consuming, i stay fat, and my boobs are well.... not the prettiest sight.
cuddos for trying girl! i think you did everything you could. i would not even feel guilty.
i decide to just not stress about.
if i can do it for long of do it at all i do it if not that is what bottles are for ;)
girl!!! you are a rockstar mom, & im not kidding!!!!
ReplyDeleteyour babes look more than healthy and happy to me!! plus, for everyone who wants to hold them, it's nice that you don't have to take them away every hour to feed :) (opinion coming from a not-mom and a baby lover) :)
Thanks for sharing your experience. I definitely think it's important for women not to judge each other - I'm extremely pro-breastfeeding but not from an individual standpoint. I don't think we should judge individual women, but society and the constructs that are prohibitive to breastfeeding. I know a lot of women who could and would breastfeed if they had more support/they could have time and a place to pump at work/could carry it on an airplane etc.
ReplyDeleteYou gave it your best shot and that is really respectable. If more women were supported with breastfeeding, I think it'd be easier. I'm sorry you had a rough time with it, but I'm happy your darling little girls are healthy!
And I agree with previous poster, I do not like the women of The View. I think they are way too hard on Gisele. I don't agree with what she said exactly, but I can see where she is coming from. I don't think we should demand that all women breastfeed by law, but I think they should be more supported (like the IRS won't allow breast pumps to be considered a medical expense, etc.) I think formula should not be so readily available, but for medical reasons it should be available for women - and insurance should pay for it in that case :)
Oh, and I hate the formula companies. I'm glad you get free samples and coupons, but seriously, I will not change my opinion of them.
And breastfeeding was easy for me this time, but I realize it might not be every time. I had tons of milk (and 15 months later, still have tons... I was pumping extra and giving it to a friend with an adopted baby for a while), Theodore latched right on and hasn't stopped since. I think I may have gotten a little prideful because of that, so I'm trying to be more humble in case Heavenly Father tries to do it himself next time.
This post was amazing. I had no idea what I was getting into with the whole breastfeeding thing. Everything I read said, "if it hurts, you're doing it wrong." I just assumed if it hurt, I would fix it, and there would be no problems. Oh naivete...
ReplyDeleteIt hurt like hell (and I don't often swear). It hurt for weeks. I got mastitis the week I got home from the hospital. Ellie didn't sleep longer than about four hours ever. I ended up using a nipple shield until I quit because she never could figure out how to latch right (and stay on).
I got worn out of not sleeping, being attached constantly to my baby, pumping, being engorged, leaking, etc and finally switched to formula at six months.
It was awesome. Seriously, AWESOME.
I was rested, she was full, we were happy.
I'll breastfeed again, but I'm not sure I'll try so hard to "last" as long next time.
The only thing I miss is that she never, ever got sick while I was nursing.
I'm glad I did it. And I'm glad I quit. Hooray for formula.
Some of my family have had problems breast feeding and I loved the advise my mom gave them as they stressed about what was best for the baby. "Is it better for the babies to eat, or for the babies to eat from you?" One way or the other the babies are being fed and well taken care of. Kudos for trying.
ReplyDeleteSo I have been admittedly stalking your blog for quite some time now. You see, I married a twin and I have been fascinated with all your posts about your two girls. It gives me a little insight into what my husband’s mom had. Anyway, my purpose of commenting is to tell you I admire this post and commend you for writing it. I sent it to my sister-in-law who has been struggling with the similar things(well..minus one baby)…she really appreciated it..just thought I would let you know. I’m glad your hard work in putting the words together hasn’t gone unnoticed..clearly you have touched many people with your post.
ReplyDeleteDropping in from the blogs post on BabyCenter.
ReplyDeleteI'm an EBF'er *this* time. My older daughter also spent four long NICU days. If I had it to do over, as soon as she could have a bottle (which was the middle of her second day) I would have insisted on a weighing-nursing-weighing routine. Instead, I also meekly followed our nurses and neonatalogists' advice. Our first attempt was when Mad was three days old. It created a permanent problem where nursing was concerned. There is no way I could keep up with Mad's needs, and there surely wouldn't have been hope for feeding two. I think what you did was admirable and honorable, but so is making sure your babies get fed. It's ridiculous the pressure women put on other women. So glad you've found a way out from under it all.
Shan :+)
I feel like you wrote my story. I mean, I did the exact same thing (besides the NICU stay) I pumped I nursed i bottle fed over and over!! And dwindling down to one or two pumps I did the same thing, I actually maxed out at 24oz a day...soooo sad!!! But now my girls are 100% formula and Im almost okay with it. Thank you for writing this!!!
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