Opinionated people. Lately, people have been throwing opinions left and right at me about parenting styles, pregnancy issues, cloth diapering, how tired I should or shouldn't be feeling, keeping my kids on/off a schedule, bed rest, the projected names for the babies, what I should do this summer, what "baby gear" I should get, and the list could go on and on.
Don't get me wrong. I love getting advice, tips and suggestions. It's frustrating though, when my (I'll admit, inexperienced) ideas differ a little and I'm looked at as crazy. I don't want anyone to take this the wrong way, but it's frustrating when mom's of one baby tell me "how it is" and seem to forget the fact that I'll have two infants (not one infant and a toddler) at a time. I feel ok complaining a bit, because there's a stigma about twin moms that I'd like to clear up. A lot of people think we're arrogant or that we think we've got the "mother thing" figured out more than singleton moms because we tend to throw advice we get out the window. (Ok, maybe we don't throw it out, we just lightly place it under the rug for a while.) It's not that we're better, it's that we're different. Like I said, having two newborns in the NICU for weeks is different than having a 2 year old and a newborn. Not better at all, just different. Maybe I'm a jerk, but I'll take advice from twin moms a lot easier than I do from singletons. That's why I spend so much time twin websites/groups on babycenter. I've learned more there than I could have ever imagined.
Parenting styles in general are pretty contradicting from each other. Should you feed on demand? Can you hold your baby too much? Is formula going to mess your kid up? Should your kid sit in a Bumbo? Do you need a swing? When should you stop breast feeding your kids? Everyone seems to have STRONG opinions on it all, which is fine. To each his own. I just know that a "one size fits all" parenting style doesn't exist and when you put two infants into the situation, you've got to make some adjustments. (I want to add that this isn't a "singleton mom vs. twin mom" war. Any difference could be inserted. Generational, economical, religious, political, etc. They all have an affect on how you raise your kids and you're more likely to take advice from those in your similar situation.)
The best analogy (and Fro, you know how good I am at coming up with those...) I can think of to explain how I feel, are mothers of children with disabilities. I think of the participants at my work and not one of them were raised the same way. They couldn't be. Their circumstances are so unique. A mother of a severely autistic child wouldn't have much to say to a mother with a child who's got a mild form of cerebral palsy. Or someone with a deaf child wouldn't have the same advice for someone with a wheelchair bound child. Does that make one mother smarter or more experienced? No. Is one better than the other? No. They're just different. A mother with an autistic son is going to take advice from a mother with an autistic daughter. Although the other moms can relate on being mothers of children with disabilities, the way they raise their kids and the adaptions they have to implement are different. I hope that made sense and you could see where I was going with that...
I feel that the same goes with pregnancy. I love talking to twin moms because they know how I'm feeling. I'm 5 months today which means my body (according to a singleton timeframe) is at 6 1/2 months (at least). Now, many of you have been 6 1/2 months pregnant and it sucks, doesn't it? So, if I complain here and there (and I'm trying really hard to stay positive because I know how much more intense this summer will be) forgive me. Call me negative Nancy if you will, but please don't shove your opinions down my throat. Opinions differ from advice (positive advice I'd like to add). I still LOVE hearing from moms and getting suggestions about certain things. However, if you're going to say anything on
this list (and I could add a few more that are even more shocking), criticize the names we like, or tell me what a hippie-nut I am, I'd rather not talk to you. Sorry if that's harsh, but it's the truth.
Know that this post isn't directed to anyone in particular. I've been feeling this way for a while and couldn't seem to put my finger on why I was so annoyed by people until now. If you've never had twins and given me advice, I don't hate you. I promise. I just wish that more people would stop comparing themselves to me because it makes me feel that much worse. Hearing how horrible having one child is and hearing "oh, but with two it's going to be worse" does nothing to lift my spirits. Not even a little bit.
Oh, and I've officially stopped telling people it's twins if I can help it. I did today and felt totally normal. Not that I'm ashamed of baby b, but all the extra attention gets old fast. I was asked today and I responded, "it's a girl and I'm due this summer." End of conversation. I loved it. :)
And that's my rant. I think it was more for me to get my thoughts and feelings out, than to actually have anyone read it. So if you're still reading, I'm sorry. My excuse? 6 hours of restless sleep + end of the semester stress + none of my clothes fitting anymore = a grumpy Brittany.
And maybe it's not the unwarranted advice that bothers me. It might be the novelty that I've become and extra attention I get. I hate it. I know it's gonna get worse when the babies get here, so I guess I'm being prepared. I think people just don't know how to react with twins, which is why all the weirdness comes out. Hm...my poor girls, at least some day the questions and comments will end for me, but they'll forever get them.
