Can I just tell you about my day yesterday?

Yesterday was by far the hardest day as I parent I've ever had. I lost it guys, lost it. It started when I woke up in the middle of the night for several hours. Josh worked a graveyard shift and I'm a dork and have a hard time with just me in our giant bed. I tossed and turned, scrolled through Pinterest, turned on music, started reading...all in hopes of falling asleep. I was playing Words With Friends with Josh (seriously, funnest game ever. It's done wonders for my marriage) when all of the sudden, I heard Sophie start to cry. I waited to see if she'd calm down, but she didn't. She got louder and louder and louder until it became a scream. I went and got her, brought her into bed with me and tickled her face to get her to sleep again. She did and within a few minutes of her falling asleep, I was out. 

A few hours later, I was woken up by a screaming Lillian. Josh was home by now, so I quickly went to get her so she wouldn't wake him up. That was where the fun began. My girls were awful. I've never seen them so horrible before. We had screams, tears, kicking, biting, back arching and slamming to the floor, hitting, throwing sippy cups, refusing food, tears, tears, more tears and screams. I was frantic. Josh has only been home for a few hours and he needed sleep. I pulled out all my tricks, Elmo, candy, juice, youtube videos, music, books, coloring, etc. Nothing was working. They'd calm down for a few minutes (long enough for me to paint Sophie's toes), but the littlest thing would set them both off again. By 10, I felt like I was loosing my mind. I actually was scaring myself at how frustrated I was. Not that I would have done anything bad, but I had the very real thought that this is how parents end up on the new and end up in jail. I had finally had that snapping moment after 19 months of parenting twins. I called my neighbor, who's got an 11 year old that I knew was home. As soon as she answered, I started sobbing. I pleaded for her to send her daughter over and take one of the girls outside or something so I could clear my head/cry alone/possibly shower/possibly eat something/but most importantly to let Josh sleep. We hung up the phone and no more than 30 seconds later, help was at my door. No questions asked. She grabbed Sophie's coat and took my screaming child outside. Sadly, Josh woke up and couldn't go back to sleep. Well, I don't know if couldn't is the right word, because I'm sure he could have, but he didn't. He stayed with Lillian and let me cry/vent to him about my morning and let me take a really long shower. Guys, this is after he worked a 12 hour shift in the middle of the night and only after a couple hours of sleep. Josh is amazing. Not only that, but he continued to stay up with me and help with the girls. I took my time getting ready, had a few more crying spells and finally calmed down around 1. 

It was bad. Really, really bad... 

But it's over. We're ok. 

I've honestly never had a day like yesterday. The only time that slightly compares is that one day where (I think I blogged about it...) I had to shut myself on our balcony because my girls would not stop screaming. They were probably...5ish months old at the time and we all just cried and cried and cried. 

Parenting is hard. 

Parenting twins can be emotionally and physically exhausting. 

And sometimes, I suck at it. 

But today ended on a very positive note. I talked to my Grandma on the phone and broke the news that we're coming to visit her sometime in the next month or two, so she can finally meet the twins. Every time I talk to her, I want to be a better mother. A better wife. I'm not sure anyone has ever loved their spouse as much as my Grandma loved/loves my Grandpa. Even though he's been gone for almost 10 years, she still talks about him with such a sweet, tender love. 

I also went out with my sister to photograph some of her client's homes. Beautiful homes that have been designed and decorated by my talented sister. We talked, gossiped a bit, vented, laughed and it gave me several hours to take off my "mom" hat and be...a normal person? (I know that sounded bad, but trust me, today was bad...) I was left feeling grateful and recharged. 

Grateful for neighbors who so quickly come to my rescue. Grateful for a husband who helps me even if that means only getting 4ish hours of sleep in a day. Grateful for my family. So, so grateful for my family. Recharged with the confidence (don't ask how I gained confidence through all this...) that I can do this. I can mother twins. And I don't have to be afraid to ask for help because there are people around me that are willing to help and it's ok to put aside my pride once and a while and admit I need a break. I missed a call and got a voicemail from my neighbor when I was out, making sure I was ok. I probably freaked her out after our phone conversation/my tearful plea, but I'm so grateful to know that there are people around me that have my back. 

And I have theirs. 

And I have a great husband. 

And a great family.

 And I am the mother of twins. 

I can do this, guys. I can do this.