Breastfeeding revisited.

So I wrote this post back on November 8th, but debated if I should publish it or not. It wasn't until a couple of conversations with a few friends that I decided to go ahead and post it.  So here's my Truth Tuesday as you could call it...

Yep, I'm talking about it again. In a few weeks, it will be the year anniversary of "weaning" (and I put that in quotes because I never really weaned them since they were never fully on breast milk) the girls. Every mom that has wanted to breastfeed and hasn't been able to knows the guilt. Mothers who successfully breastfeed don't fully understand it. When you're bombarded with "breast is best" propaganda (ok, propaganda might be a slightly strong word...) and you're told that nutritionally nothing can beat breast milk, you'll build an incredible bond with your child, etc and you fail, it's really easy to let the guilt consume you. There's also that worry in the back of your mind because you wonder if your child will have a horrible immune system or that they won't be attached to you because they drank from a bottle. Since it's been a while since I've touched on the topic, I thought I'd do a little post with my updated thoughts on it.

What I've learned over the past year, is that women need to stop worrying about all of this. Really, stop. Stop right now. Now, this isn't to say that I disagree with the notion that breast is sometimes best. Sure, if the mother is getting adequate nutrition, has a good supply, doesn't have too many hurdles, is getting enough sleep to take care of her self and her kids, then great! Breastfeed. In that situation, it's best. However, if the breastfeeding failing cards are stacked up against you, you're depressed, the baby isn't getting enough milk, or the task is too daunting, it's OK to turn to formula. I was explaining this to a friend who recently had a baby girl and is having a really, really hard time nursing. For medical reasons, she can only nurse out of one side. Her baby isn't latching, she's in constant pain, she's getting infections, and her baby isn't gaining weight. She emailed me because she knew I had 'failed' and wanted some support. We've been exchanging emails for back and forth for a little while and I can't tell you how much happier she is now that she's "given up" breastfeeding.

According to many, there's a lot of pressure to get women to give up nursing and turn to formula. Apparently there are doctors and nurses out there who are constantly encouraging women to give bottles (although, I've never met a single one of them and I saw 3 different OBs,  dozens of nurses in the NICU and have taken the girls to 3 pediatricians and every single one has encouraged breastfeeding.)  and I don't think that's cool. Breastfeeding is cheaper, apparently convenient (although I'm personally not comfortable breastfeeding in public so even with my next babies, bottles will be given) and good for both mother and baby. But seriously, if you choose not to breastfeed or can't for whatever reason, there is no reason to feel guilty. Because you know what? My girls have only been to the doctor twice (once for Lillian and once for Sophie) for being legitimately sick. I say legitimately because I've taken them in when there was really nothing besides teething wrong with them, but as far as actually being sick, it's only happened once for each girl over the past 15 months (now almost 16). That's not too shabby if you ask me. The girls have a great bond with their dad, haven't had as much stranger anxiety as a lot of kids and really are healthy, intelligent toddlers. I think of all the worrying I did last October and November and I want to go back and slap myself in the face. I drug out the agony waaaaaaay too long and shed waaaaaay too many tears on something that quite frankly didn't matter. It honestly didn't matter what source their food came from. What mattered is that they had food and had parents who loved them. The only think I think would be different about them if they would have been breastfed is that maybe they would have been able to fall asleep in my arms. But that's it.

So basically, the point of this is to say that although breastfeeding has benefits and I do believe that women should give it a try if that's their choice, I don't believe for a second that we should think any less of ourselves if we can't do it. It made me sad watching my friend go through the guilt that I felt last year, but I'm glad that she's letting that go. Because in about a year, her little girl will probably be just as healthy and as happy as mine are.

This post may seem random and bold, but the thought to revisit the topic was sparked by my friend contacting me, seeing a debate on facebook and then it was solidified when I came across this lovely piece of writing. DON'T read it if you are/have/are going to give your child formula. It will probably make you want to punch someone in the face like it did for me (which is saying something because I'm as non violent as you can get). Seriously, the exaggerated "uber boober" propaganda out there makes me cringe. 

And while I'm in no way saying that formula feeding is superior to breastfeeding, I just wish we, as women, would cut each other some slack. I really don't think mothers who can't breastfeed or choose to formula feed owe anyone an explanation. All of the pressure, all of the stigma, and all of the expectations put an added measure of guilt on moms who genuinely want to nurse. And for some reason (at least from what I've personally experienced), it's OK for breastfeeding moms to be bold about their opinions, but as soon as a formula mom speaks up, they're looked down on for their lack of ability/choice. I've felt it numerous times over the past year and I'm a little sick of it. So yes, I'm being bold. Yes, I'm saying that it's OK to choose formula and it's OK to not feel guilty over it. Because feeling guilty won't boost your supply, it won't make the mastitis go away, and it won't make your baby latch properly. 

Maybe I'll get flak for this, but that's OK. It's probably the hottest topic among moms. In fact, I think my first breastfeeding post got more comments that any other post (well, maybe not the announcement of our girls' arrival).You can refute my formula feeding ways all you want, but I think it's impossible to refute the fact that formula has done these two adorable babies just fine. 

And really, these guys are all that I care about.