Here's the thing. I don't like change. Not even a little bit. I've been pretty quiet about my feelings relating to our October move, because I know I shouldn't complain and I know I should be grateful for the opportunities we've had, but the truth is that sometimes I REALLY want to go back to Logan. I miss brasc. I miss USU. I miss our old ward. I miss brasc. I miss Fredrico's. I miss the tiny mall. I miss recognizing somewhere almost everywhere I go. I miss brasc. I miss the girls' old pediatrician. I miss brasc (have I said that enough?).
As much as I love the Salt Lake valley and as much as I'm used to living here, sometimes I really, really do miss Logan. Mostly I miss BRASC. I miss my co-workers and I really miss the participants. I watched Up Syndrome the other day and it left me longing for my buds at the work-site (if you work at brasc, you should know who I'm quoting..) Last night, we drove by the emergency room and I saw the life-flight helicopter and thought of a particular friend. (Again, you should know who I'm talking about. Oddly enough, it's the same person.) Anytime I see pepper jack cheese, flip through the tv and see Barney or catch myself saying "chill the lill" to one of the girls, I miss it.
I recently got a new phone and after several days of trying to get it activated, I'm ready to transfer all my contacts over from my old phone. I'm too scared to do it though. Why? Because I know there are dozens of numbers I simply don't need anymore. Numbers of parents and staff that I'll never need to call. Numbers of old visiting teachers that are useless. Numbers of class members that I'll never meet up with for another project.
Stupid, right? Why can't I just delete these numbers and be ok with it? I haven't been to class since last May (ok, I'll admit, not erasing those numbers is just laziness) and I haven't worked since July.
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
At least someone else admits that change is hard.
And I don't want to be a total Debbie Downer today, so here's a few pictures of my beautiful baby girls. Oh, and we started solids on their half birthday.
That post is almost done and will be published shortly.
I've been looking at a lot of photography with muted colors lately, so I thought I'd edit some accordingly. I kinda like it... a lot.
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
At least someone else admits that change is hard.
And I don't want to be a total Debbie Downer today, so here's a few pictures of my beautiful baby girls. Oh, and we started solids on their half birthday.
That post is almost done and will be published shortly.
I've been looking at a lot of photography with muted colors lately, so I thought I'd edit some accordingly. I kinda like it... a lot.
Well it seems to me that a visit to Logan just may be in order. :) Seriously, though, if you ever are up this way you should drop by for a visit. Ellie would think a play date with her b-day buddies was great fun.
ReplyDeleteAnd I miss the old ward too. A LOT. Ours is very, very different. I guess I'm not much for change, either.
Oh my dear, you are in a huge adjustment phase right now (now that you have been able to come up for air). I remember having all of those feelings, too, and mine mostly had to do with adjusting to staying home when Rachel was born. Mourning has its place--it really does, so just go with it, but don't dwell. You will get through it, I promise. It gets a little easier when the weather warms up and people go outside, and you can meet other mommies. Also, when your girls get a little older and can really play with other kids, your circle of friends will open up. What I did at the time was to find a convenient replacement grandma (who happened to live next door) to play Scrabble with. She saved my life. Do you remember Donna? You may have been too young--I don't know. Anyway, good luck to you! I promise it will get better. If not, move here, and I'll play Scrabble with you!
ReplyDeleteSigh. Sorry for another double comment. Why can't Blogger get with the game and program a comment section like Facebook's?
ReplyDeleteAnd...no. I don't use Auto. But almost - I use the aperture (or Av) mode. The only reason I don't like Auto is because I have no reason to change the shutter speed, so Av mode does it for me. I think the thing that makes a difference for me, though, is my lens. I have one that has a lower aperture setting so it allows me to take natural light pics without a flash.
Umm... that may have been way more info than you were looking for. :)
um. brittany. i am working at the company formerly known as BRASC (its now some name like DSL) lame sauce I know. I thought I would remind you of a story.
ReplyDeleteGirl walks into gas station. girl sees magazine. girl sees Matthew Broderick has cheated. girl continues to have fit. Brittany and Jessa laugh until they cry.
Brasc will not be the same without you. You were one of the few people I could stand. NOT OKAY! i suppose its okay though because you are being a wonderful dedicated mommy.
this comment is somewhat pointless I just realized. well have a good nite. Things will be better in the morning. lol
Jessa
It's a transitional stage, becoming a Mom. I remember feeling this after Rachel was born. Even though I was 25 and ready for it I missed school so badly it almost hurt. I was still going when I was pregnant with her. Sometimes I miss work, too! Winter is HARD! Rachie was a September baby and my Mom was my only saving grace for that winter. Same with Ryan! :) Summer is just around the corner and will be awesome! :) You're staying at home with twins, plus winter, plus no car = way hard! We didn't get our second vehicle until after Ryan was born so I understand. We'll come pick you up soon! :) LOVE ya! It does get more awesome, as time goes on, and it's true that you'll meet tons of FUN mommy friends! You'll always have a place in your heart for Logan and Brasc and everything. That's actually great! They're treasured moments in your life that have molded you into who you are! Which is totally awesome, in my eyes! Love ya!
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh, that last picture -- amazing!
ReplyDeleteI hate change. It kills me. Even if it's for the better. I'm a creature of habit.